Confessions of an overwhelmed, and immeasurably blessed Mom!!

I need some thoughts...

2011-08-21T22:40:00.003-06:00

I'm debating whether or not to go into Jack's kindergarten class and "tell them how cool he is."

I would bring baby pictures, probably just this poster and explain a little bit about his cleft. Talk about why he talks a little different, and have him show them his retainer.

The reason I'm debating? I don't want to bring attention if they don't notice. But I also don't want them staring and wondering. A couple of years ago, a child at school asked me why he looked like frankenstein. *sigh* But I also don't want to single him out. Or make him feel uncomfortable.

I hate that he's in-between. In-between typical and extra special. At home, we just act like there is nothing wrong. But as he goes out into the world, they probably won't.

I'm so not ready to throw him to the wolves, so to speak. On one hand, I'm so glad his teacher's are glorious women I have known for years. On the other hand, I will not be there. Emma will be there, in the same hall even. So that's good. I guess. :/ It looks as if I am the one with the issue. haha

So my question is, what do you all think? Should I make a special moment, to "introduce him" or wait until something "comes up""? I have already talked to his teacher, and she is game for whatever. I also thought maybe I would just see if he can be the first student of the week. Then I could still tell them about his coolness, without making it a big deal. ...maybe...

help

Music Therapy

2011-01-26T14:12:00.003-07:00

A local talk show did a great story on the Music Therapy department at Primary Children's. What amazing things they do!!!

Sniffing out Joy

2011-01-25T15:26:00.003-07:00

I am on an email list for Car-ol Lyn-ne Pea...rso..n (so google doesn't hit this). This came today, and I just love it!! I know you will too...

People who know me know that 98% of the time I am positive, even, and generally cheerful. And that about 2% of the time I am in my "Curse God and Die" mode, a bleak place into which I occasionally fall, in which I am convinced there is no meaning, no hope, and I ask myself What Mad Man Thought This All Up???

Those who know me also know that I spend a lot of time tracking Joy. The best minds that I study assure me that Joy is truly the reason for our existence. I've been collecting quotes on Joy for years. Here's one of my favorites--

You've got to sniff out joy. Follow the joy trail.
~Buffy St. Marie

That one helps me every day. I stop my self and say, Phew, that thought doesn't smell good. Let's sniff over here.

And what about this one?--

Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God.
~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Want to see the unmistakable presence of God? Look at the Dalai Lama smile.

Many years ago I had an ongoing correspondence with a General Authority of the LDS Church, Elder Marion D. Hanks, truly one of the greats. In one of my letters I challenged him to use this next quote in his upcoming conference address. He did.

At the judgment day a man will be called to account for all the good things
he might have enjoyed and did not enjoy.
~Jewish Proverb

When I was still in my twenties I wrote a little verse that just now popped into my mind:

LAMENT OF A GROUCH
I knew that in heaven all are happy.
But I wish I'd known the reason before.
Only to the happy
Do they open the door.

What if that's true? What if joy is not a luxury, but a necessity? Friends, I promise to be more devoted to sniffing out the Joy trail. And I ask the same of you.

I too, challenge you to sniff out Joy. Some days... man... you have to sniff harder then others. ;)

13 Things We Love About Parker

2010-10-15T10:55:00.006-06:00

It's a tad late... :( But this is in Honor of his 13th Birthday

13. From Emma, "I love his laugh!! It makes me laugh."

12. He LOVES playing with little kids. I think he is jealous of them. ;)

11. He is a friend to all animals. Much to my dismay.

10. He plays the bass guitar, and acoustic guitar by ear.

9. He tells his friends not to say Retard. :)

8. He loves orange chicken.

7. He is kind, and caring, and sticks up for people.

6. We can’t find anything he ISN’T good at.

5. He is a loyal friend, and makes friends everywhere he goes.

4. He can laugh at himself.

3. His favorite color is pink.

2. He’s pretty much a stud.

1. Because he is OUR son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson, and friend... and NOT YOURS!!! :) Well I guess for some of you... he is YOUR friend!! YAY!!! You are as lucky as me!!!!

15 Things We Love About Nick

2010-08-18T13:08:00.006-06:00

In Honor if his 15th Birthday...

15 Things We Love About Nick:

#15. His rugged good looks.
#14. He makes a mean Mac and Cheese
#13. From Emma: He is BIG, and can swing me around and give me piggyback rides!! :)
#12. He tries to see the good in everyone.
#11. He can open jars. :)
#10. He has an AMAZING memory. Which is good and bad... ;)
#9. He is so sweet and kind.
#8. He can eat a whole Little Caesars $5 pizza by himself.
#7. He is very witty and makes us laugh.
#6. He's very suave and charming. I wonder where he learned it from... :)
#5. He loves "playing" halo with Jack. Mostly cuz he can beat him. haha
#4. He has THE BIGGEST Heart!! And it's pretty tender, but don't tell him I told you that.
#3. He LOVES Ice cream. I know, not very unique, but I still love that about him. :)
#2. From Parker: He buys me food when he has money.... haha

THE NUMBER ONE REASON WE LOVE Nick: Because he is OUR son, brother, guy with black hair/cousin, nephew, grandson, and friend... and NOT YOURS!!! :) haha... cheesey, I know.

One Month Old

Yesterday :)

To those we may forget:

2010-08-17T09:46:00.004-06:00

I have known 5 people in the last 2 months, who have passed away. I'm sorry, but that is too many. The first two, have been ill for many years, so there is no shock, only relief. The last three... Were WAY TOO YOUNG... and it's just not fair.

But I write this post to honor those friends in these peoples lives, who may not receive all the condolences the family gets. These are the people who selflessly give their time, and emotional energy to the grieving families, and act as anchor in the sea of sadness. Being an anchor, the stable force in the situation, makes it hard to mourn yourself. They are the ones asking for prayers for the family. The ones that continually worries about everyone but themselves. The one that is often overlooked as needing prayers too.

I want to say thank you to Jann, Joey and Suzi. Thank you for doing what I couldn't do. Thank you for being there, when I couldn't. Thank you for taking time and emotional energy away from your own families, when someone else needed you. I know you will be blessed beyond measure, and the souls who have gone to heaven are putting in a good word for you!!

To Jane, Kennadee and Shawn: You fought a good fight. Now you can rest and watch over us. May you Rest in Peace and play hard in Heaven!! :)

Looking through the Cheese

2010-08-04T22:45:00.005-06:00

We love Clo-udy w/a chan ce o' Meet ba lls at our house. I write it like that so when it's googled my blog wont be listed.

Anyway we love it. Here's why I love it. It's all about being yourself, and how when you try too hard to impress people it usually backfires. It's a lesson to parents, to TRY to be interested in what you kids are doing, and TRY to communicate with them. It's a lesson for kids, to stop and THINK about what you are doing, and TRY to listen to the people who really care about you, NOT the person who is trying to get you to do bad things, even when they make them sound REALLY good. And to know that even if your parents don't say it the right way, they still love you and are proud of you. :)

Hadn't found all THAT had you? ;)

And here is a super cute video of Jack giving me a "Flintlockwood Kiss" You have to not lock away, and be prepared, it's only 3 seconds long. But do take note of Jack sweet grin at the end. He is so freakin cute. ;)

:D

Jack's CCA KID!

2010-06-09T09:49:00.002-06:00

Check it out!!

CCA Kids Spring Newsletter

Jack's article is on page 2. The kids are on page 3!!

SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must not ever forget.

2010-03-06T02:21:00.001-07:00

Jack's 4th birthday is coming up. While in a normal family this would be an exciting time, I can't help reflect on what almost was. I have said it before, that I forget. I'm not sure if its a defense mechanism or what. But when he is pinching me, or throwing a hissy fit because I won't get him cereal fast enough, or becoming limp and throwing himself on the floor when I need him to do something... I forget. Even when he is the sweetest little boy on the planet, and grabs my face with his tiny little hands to give me a kiss... I forget.

To catch up newcomers, when I was 27 weeks pregnant, Jack was diagnosed with Semi Lobar Holoprosencephaly. They told us he wouldn't live and gave us the option to terminate, twice. Looking back, it seems as if that time period was so short. The... "He's going to die" time period. So short, I forget.

But I don't want to forget. I mean, I do. But I can't.

When we first found out about everything, we SCOURED the internet looking for support. And did we ever find it! The first thing we found was the HPE Yahoo group. Our doctors gave us no hope he would survive. No hope he would be any kind of normal even if he did. But this amazing group of women, gave us HoPE. That is how we refer to it. Holoprosencephaly's acronym is HPE. So HoPE means something special. More than just hope. :)

I try to keep in touch with these sweet families. Every once in awhile I let one of these babies take a piece of my heart. The latest is Kara Faith. Her Mommy shared her with me(and others) daily, during a very difficult time and I am a better person for it. Now I want to share her with you.

Now the song. The song is so beautiful. I HAD to find out more about about it. The first thing I came across this video about sweet Audrey, who the song was written about. As I looked further into the song, I stumbled upon these videos telling the story of Audrey.

As I watch them, I feel like I am watching myself tell the same story. But as I watch it, it I am struck by just how much I have buried and forgotten. I was dumbfounded, how parallel our stories are. We too were first told he had Downs Syndrome. Then he had swelling on his brain, then a cleft lip... it just piled and piled. We too were told he would die in-utero, or only live a few hours. While we looked into funeral services, he had hiccups and was doing flips inside of me. We made a birth plan with two sides. One side if he lived, one side if he didn't.

But there is one GIANT difference. Jack, is fine. Jack is beautiful, and alive, and smells like a little boy. Were they wrong? Or was he healed? He wasn't supposed to live. He was supposed to leave us. But he didn't.

These two beautiful girls did. As I have prayed for and read about these families, I am struck once again with the overwhelming guilt that mine is fine. I don't even know if you can call it that. Can you call it, "The One Who Survived" Syndrome? I don't know.

Can someone explain to me... why I got to keep mine, and they didn't? I know, I know, God's Plan... Well sometimes... I think God's plan stinks. Why do babies die? Why do Mommy's get cancer and leave their babies? Why are people killed in car accidents? Why are some people healed and others are not?

Now, before you get all wacky on me... I am BEYOND grateful for my Jack. He has taught me so much. But he has brought me into a world, that some days, I wish I didn't know about. Sometimes I long for the days when I wasn't reminded on a daily basis, that babies die, or struggle everyday to live.

But... MORE times, I am SO thankful Jack came to us the way he did. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for having enough faith in me, to send Jack to us. For giving me a voice to to tell our story. I am truly honored and immeasurably blessed to live in the world that Jack brought us into.

And I must not ever forget... how we got here.

Touched by an Angel... twice

2010-02-25T14:06:00.004-07:00

About 13 years ago, I had an opportunity to be an extra on Touched by an Angel. It was very exciting. I was pregnant with Parker, and they were looking for pregnant moms to be part of a Birthing Class. I had heard the episode was about a couple struggling with the fact their unborn child had downs syndrome. At the time, I thought it was really cool.

Well today, I set out to find it online. And YAY!!!! I did!! Watching now, after all we went through with Jack, and the new world Jack brought us into... was so enlightning! It "touched" me then. But today, was like watching a whole different show. Wow... You will have to watch it when you get a minute. Ok 45. :) So great. I miss that show.

This is just my part. And you will be happy to know... I am pointing myself out to you, telling you when I'm on. In a very silly obnoxious manner of course ;)

Enjoy!

Braces Update

2010-02-08T11:49:00.003-07:00

Thought I'd give a little update. All is going well. It's been a struggle a few times. As in, he refuses to put it on. But all in all, he is doing great. He puts it on better for Dad, then for me. And I think Dad outs it on after he is asleep alot. But I am very pleased with how Jack is handling it.

Here a some cute pictures I got the first night I got to put it on him.

Jack thinks he looks like a vampire!! At least he doesnt sparkle in the sunlight. ;)

Isn't he just the cutset thing ever? I mean really...

From the side.

And then to top it off, some WAY cute video.

You don't have to say it. He IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!

Baby's Got Braces!

2010-01-27T10:31:00.006-07:00

Jack got his braces yesterday. He was a little nervous about it. But in the end, he did great!

This morning I went into his class to tell them about his new braces, and why he has to wear them when he is so little. I explained about how he was born with a cleft lip, and showed them one of his baby pictures. One kid said, "That's gross!" I said, "No it's not! It's SO COOL!! Cuz see, they fixed it!" :) I could tell Jack felt really cool, and Rock Star ish. He showed them his "mask", and let them look at it, and pass it around. I think it went really well. I hope I spread a little awareness, even if they are 3. :)

So I have uploaded pictures, but they are in reverse order, and I'm too lazy to move them. :) So I'm making you do all the work- scroll to the bottom to see them in order! heehee

Sleeping like an angel... with a mask on. :)

The Crib. In.

Showing off his head gear. He calls it a Mask.

Showing off how it looks "On".

Checking it out still...

Seeing if he can get it out. :)

Getting it in.

Here's the Crib.

He's so big, and yet so little! They really should make little kid dentist chairs. Maybe I should, and make my millions. mwuahahaha

Can I get a WOO HOO???

2010-01-20T09:46:00.009-07:00

Seriously... I need to stop freaking out so much. :)

Yesterday went SOOOO well! My LeAnn(the nurse over craniofacial) calmed me down quite a bit before our appointment. And then we met Parker.

I told you last post about how much I enjoy the camraderie. So as everyone was filing in, I was "looking" for it, but not in a stalker kind of way. ;) There were lots of people there, but noone stuck out to me, if that makes sence. And then Parker and his Mom came in.

Parker had the same kind of cleft Jack had, just on the other side. He had glasses just like Jack too. :) I started talking to his Mom. And then Parker. He was so cute. He's 9 and was telling us about his bone graft surgery a few years ago. He also has the same retainer/headgear Jack is getting. So he showed it to Jack and told him all about it. It was pretty cool, and exactly what I was "looking" for. And who amazing to be able to talk to a kid, and ask him questions. SO SO COOL!

So... here's the plan. The other day they took another mold for the retainer.

They are making it now, and it will be placed next week. From what I have been told, there will be 2 brackets cemented to his back molars, and then a wire around the back of his top teeth. In order to make room for the brackets, they put some spacers in to make room. Jack thinks they are pretty cool!! :)

When you are done admiring his cool green spacers. Take a moment to appreciate his palate.

This is how it looked after 2 years of wearing a prosthesis. Right before his hard palate repair.

Pretty amazing right?

So Jack seems excited about all this. He told Dad he was getting a mask! :)Here is a picture I found online of the headgear.

Jack's may be a little different. And he has requested blue, since that was the color of his new friend Parker's. ;)

So... I am feeling much more calm and prepared for this now. I have been told since it is a gradual process, he shouldn't have too much discomfort. For Jack... that means none!! Although, when she first put the spacers in, he got a little teary because it felt weird, and caused a little bit of pressure. But as soon as we got home he said, "My teeth feel better now, Mom."

Man I love this kid. :)

We're jumping back in...

2010-01-18T14:26:00.010-07:00

Well, as of tomorrow, we are jumping back into the world of monthly appointments, and something to deal with Daily.

Jack is getting a retainer. He's 3. Ok... he'll be 4 soon enough. Crazy huh? Retainers are bad enough on a teenager. UGH

This retainer is to pull his midface out slowly. And by slowly... I mean 2 years. The thought process is to pull gently while he is still growing. Hopefully, this will help us avoid having to do it surgically when he is 8 or 9 years old.

I am feeling very anxious about this. I'm not really sure why. I feel very unprepared. I feel very overwhelmed with my life as it is, and now to add this. I know some of you are saying, add what? Well...

Making sure he is wearing it EVERY NIGHT.

Luckily... it is only an overnight, not an all day, retainer. This may not seem like a big deal, but I work most evenings, so this is out of my hands. I am not very good at giving up control, and having relying on someone else to do it. TO make sure he has it on before he goes to sleep. I can of course make sure it's on when I get home. But if he doesn't have it on, I can't really wake him up to put it on.

I am also worried he won't like it. That it will bother him, and it will be a fight. I'm so tired as it is, and to add fighting with a 4 yr old to improve his life does not sound appealing. Especially when there is daily fighting with others around me, to do things to impove their life. *sigh*

He has been wearing glasses since october-ish. And there are days, he doesn't wear them. Cuz they never got put on before we ran out the door to go to school. I haven't quite gotten the hang of the glasses yet. So to add another appliance to this kids life... ugh.

He will have monthly appointments to tighten it.

I think I will be able to coordinate his appointments with times I will be up there anyway, but not always. Up there, meaning the hospital, or in the area. For those who don't know, we live about 20 minutes from Primary Children's Medical Center. It is not far compared to some who go there, but I HATE to drive. And HATE to drive far even worse. I work a block and a half from my house, if that gives you any indication. :)

I will admit I like everyone in the ortho's office. I enjoyed when he was a baby, going there regularly. It will be fun to "hang out" with the girls regularly for awhile. :) Also, meeting other families going through stuff too. I enjoy the camaraderie of that whole aspect.

Also, I had braces. NOT FUN! I HATED getting them tightened. And this is his whole face, not just teeth. But then... this is Jack. This kid NEVER complains! It's weird. :) But... it is something I'm worried about.

Financially

Do you really need further explaination about this?

All that aside. This is something he REALLY REALLY needs. His sweet little face is soooo flat. It makes me kind of sad. It's always been flat, but the bigger he's gotten, the worse the flatness has gotten. The technical term is midface hypoplasia.

So whether I like it or not, we are in for the long haul. I can't wait to see the results! Should be interesting for sure!! :)

How bout some pictures?!

This is from the appointment where he was measured, xrayed and they took lots and lots of pictures. This one was taken at the end. So so sweet. They of course were highly impressed with his good nature. :)

Here is doing the mold. The nurse said she gets thrown-up on all the time. Of course Jack didn't even flinch. heehee

Here is Jack with his molds a few weeks later. He thought they were pretty cool.

These are just two pictures trying to show his sweet flat face. You can't really see it when he is looking at you:

But look at the difference between my face and his.

I'm going to try and track the growth of his face. So be watching for that too!

And... WISH ME LUCK! :)

My thoughts exactly!

2010-01-09T13:04:00.003-07:00

There are days when I wonder if anyone else knows how I feel. And then something like this goes mainstream.

The part where her hands are shaking on the sink, makes me cry everytime I see it, or even think about it for that matter. It's a daily struggle, the balance of helping them, being their mom, and letting them learn it on their own. It's an emotional rollercoaster, being a Mom. Being a Mom of kids who are differently abled... Is like NEVER getting off said rollarcoaster!

Thoughts before clinic '09

2009-07-20T05:58:00.002-06:00

Today we have cranio facial clinic. If you don't know how it goes. We get to the hospital around 12:30, and sit and wait. And wait, and wait.

Clinic is great. Great in concept. We go on one day, and see all the doctors on the cleft team. We see Plastics, ENT, Ortho, Speech, Audiology, and state financial people. See, great. Except the waiting. It's only once a year, I really shouldn't complain. :)

So this yr. This year, I think the ortho will talk about starting to pull his midface forward. I don't know, maybe he'll wait. From the beginning, we have talked about doing it when he was 3 or 4. His underbite is pretty severe. When his teeth are cleched, his bottom teeth completly cover is top teeth, and a little over. His sweet little profile is so flat. But, it's him. I have doubt about changing the way he looks! *sigh*

I also think he has a small fistula, but I could be wrong. Since his hard palate was fixed, he doesn't have stuff coming out of his nose anymore, but I still think there is a hole, up by his gum line, that is bigger than it was 3 months ago.

I'm interested in how his ears are doing too... His tubes fell out, about 4 or 5 months ago. When we went swimming the other day, he was tugging on them. I'm sure I'm making more of it, than it is. Hopefully.

Then there is Emma. Last year, I took her to the ENT because she just doesn't sleep well, and her tonsils are huge. I was hopeing it would get better, but it just hasn't. So she is coming with, to revisit getting her tonsils out. *SIGH*

Should be a long day.... I'll update tomorrow! Hopefully. Haven't been too good about that have I! ;)

456789 revisited

2009-07-20T05:49:00.003-06:00

Check it out... I GOT IT!!!!

I know, I'm a HUGE goober and my life has no meaning... haha.

456789

2009-07-08T16:03:00.001-06:00

So Close! I wanted to post at exactly 4:05:06 7/8/09. Missed it be 2 min and 6 sec... grrrrrr..... :)

From the other side

2009-05-26T11:14:00.002-06:00

I just reread this post. I had forgotten how well it went. Didn't go so well after that day. He went twice, then got a high fever, then a sinus infection. He missed two weeks. Two weeks spent on my lap. So when he went back, he was not going for it. We talked about it all the way to school. He was fine! We got there, he said, " My school Mom? Miss Onnie?" Then we get up to the door, and it was another story. He started to freak out, grabbing my legs, wanting to be held. I kept rying to get him to get down, or even look at his class. He would have none of it.

This is the happiest easy going kid in the world, as you probably know. It was so out of his charactor to act like this. I hate to say it, but I sat there for an hour, trying to get him to change his mind. Which is essentially what needed to happen. He wasn't screaming, or making a scene. The only scene, was me being there. For the most part, the kids went about their day, ignoring us, except for one little girl. She came up to us, and rub his leg, because that's all she could reach, and said, "Wanna come play with us buddy?" She was so cute. This day, he didn't take her up on it.

The next time he went though, he started to do the same thing. This time, I wouldn't pick him up, so he just clung to my legs. Unfortunately, he is just the right height, so his face is in my cr*tch. OYE. Anyway, this same little girl, came up and said, "Come on Jack, come play with me!" He looked up at her, looked up at me, took her hand and went off to play. It was seriously the sweetest thing I have ever seen! It made me cry! Everytime I take him to class, she comes and gets him, and they walk off hand in hand.

When Parker was in preschool, same class, it was the year they introduced main streamed special ed. One day, when I picked him up, he was reading a book to a little girl who didn't have very much communication- but he didn't care. This made me cry. Then there was this story. Nick and Emma too, I'm happy to report, have always been so sweet to others different from them.

Now it is our turn, for someone to be sweet to our Jacky. This little girl, is the first friend that he knows her name. He talks about her incessently. It is so weird, and special, to be on the other side. And yes, I have thanked her mother. :)

Ok, Ok...

2009-05-26T09:49:00.002-06:00

I know, it's been awhile. I have lots to tell you. Lots and lots. Let's see how much I can fit in, in the short amount of time I have... :)

The reason for my absence? Well Facebook is a big one. It's SO MUCH easier to put pictures on. And easier to write a one or two line quip. Plus I have control over who sees what. Although most of the people I want to see both this and facebook, can, so it's fine I guess. If you are NOT on Facebook, you really should be. It's very entertaining! :)

Also, it's hard to put into words sometimes, things that happen. I've had many great experiences lately, but have really had trouble putting it into words. But I shall give it the ole college try.

And I've been SO tired, it's hard to "relive" the emotions of some things. I know, it's just an excuse, but it's all mine, so take it or leave it!

Ok, so... some of you may know of my love for musical theater. Every few years, a good one will come along. We have a great community theater in my area. Several as a matter of fact, but in my town in particular. I've been able to do 3 since we moved here 15 yrs ago, in between kids mostly! This year they are doing one Parker, Emma and I can all be in! It's been fun, and stressful, to be in a show with my kids. We'll see how it is in the end. They are having a good time, I think. :)

It's been hard to be doing a show and working at the same time. The last three shows I've done, weren't like that. I miss my work family, not being there as much, and my paycheck. But it's good for my soul, so it's worth something! Not missing work, being in a show! :)

Jack has been doing well at school. Just in time for school to end... ugh. I have a story, but I'll save it for another post. :)

Still recovering from Idol... seriously.... I just blogged about it. You may not like my opinion, but really, does it matter! :)

So there's a little update. I have a few posts to add, so we'll see if this one gets read! :)

Sweet Feet!

2009-04-05T18:21:00.004-06:00

I took this picture when Jack was first home from the hospital.

March 06

April 09

I love this one too. One of them did it, so I told them all too... it's just cute.

I love how they are holding their ankles. Now granted, I told them to, but I think it really shows all their personalities, the way they are holding them. :)

Oh what a lovely day, when they all cooperate!

Preschool pictures!!!

2009-03-19T14:00:00.003-06:00

K, so now that I have 2 hours to myself, of course I'm gonna sit here. :)

He was SO awesome! SO EXCITED!!! We got a new backpack, and a new shirt! He picked out both, and was so cute! And he was so excited to take pictures!

Man I love this kid! :)

The new backpack he picked out! And then in the car was telling me everything on it. "Ook MOM, Elmo's nose! Eyes!" "Elmo i oft!" (Elmo is soft)

He is in the Orange room!

So I thought I was doing well dealing with him going to school. And then my friend who taught Parker, and is now across the hall, said, "I need to show you something!" And brought this picture out! We gave it to her at the end of the school yr. How sweet is that! So of course we took a picture of Jack holding it! I almost cried, but held it in! I just love how Jack was perfectly willing to hold up the picture, and let me take one!

And here he is showing off his name. When he went to attach it, it wasn't right side up, but without skipping a beat or having to be told, he adjusted it. Seriously... how cute is he! I love how proud he is, and how he's pointing with his crooked little finger! ;) Oh, and you can see how he hung up his backpack too, with no assistance.

Ok, I'm still nervous about sending him. Even though they are my friends, and I know he is in good hands, and he is FINE... I'm still freaking out. But I'll just keep looking at these pictures, and I'll be fine! Right?

PRESCHOOL!!!

2009-03-19T10:22:00.002-06:00

Jackerson starts preschool today! I've been thinking about this day for forever! Ok, three years. I knew he would go right when he turned three because he would have an IEP! We had to bump it back a little bit, because of his surgery, so today is the day!

I feel so goo about it. He's going somewhere that is like home for me. His teacher has been my friend for years. I feel great about his IEP. He's going to the right place, at the right time!!

I'll be sure to post pictures!! Now... we have to go buy a backpack... He HAS to have a new backpack! :)

Seriously??? Harelip?!?!?

2009-03-13T13:58:00.002-06:00

I don't know if you all know this, but I am a HUGE Grey's Anatomy fan. HUGE. I may have talked about this before, but since Jack was born, I pay more attention to medical dramas. I hear more things. I know more of what they are talking about. I know when they are doing things wrong, and when things are inprobable. But I still enjoy it for it's entertainment value.

Well last night, one of the Doctor's said a very flippant remark, that has me bugged to the core.

Here's what bugs me. The fact that most people don't know it's offensive. The fact that McSteamy said it. People think he's cool. People want to be like him. The fact that my kid, has one.

I go deeper than just his flippant remark, I pretend it's real. What if the parents of that kid were walking by as he said that? What if the kid was being wheeled to post op, and heard him say that? What if I was sitting in our little post op room across from the desk, and I over heard the nurses talking about the kid across the hall with a harelip. I seriously... think I would rip someones throat out.

Now, I am fully aware it is just a TV show, and maybe my feelings are raw, because we JUST had surgery, but I'm still bugged. I put this up first on my facebook, and have had great conversation about it. Someone asked, "Why is it so negative?" And sadly enough, I didn't know. But I was directed to it.

Here it is:

This one is about: "Harelip" - The Dark History of an Unfortunate Word

(c) 1996 Wide SmilesThis Document is from WideSmiles Website - www.widesmiles.orgReprint in whole or in part, with out written permission from Wide Smilesis prohibited. Email: widesmiles@aol.com

The accepted and appropriate word that defines a birth condition in which facial tissues fail to fuse during gestation is 'cleft'. However, the parent of a cleft-affected child does not go far before hearing the term, 'harelip' instead. And we do not like that term. Why? Isn't it just a word? Most people don't mean anything negative by using it. Well, perhaps knowing the history of the term may help us to understand why it is so inappropriate. And so here, excerpted from an article from WIDE SMILES, is the dark history of the word, 'harelip':

* * * * *

In the 16th century, it was a French Doctor who, when discussing a patient with a cleft, first coined the phrase that would be translated, "Lip of the Hare". In English it was more comfortably shortened to "HareLip". It was an unfortunate pairing of similes. The good doctor was only reflecting that the lip was split, as is the lip of a Hare (and every other rodent). But unfortunately for those who were born with a cleft, the hare had also long been associated with witchcraft!

It was believed throughout the dark ages and even to relatively recent times that a witch would often take the shape of a hare. And if a hare were to frighten a pregnant woman, she would give birth to a child bearing the mark.

In the 17th century the hysteria surrounding witchcraft rose to a new and frightening level. And it was during that time that the hare had become a symbol of Satan himself. A woman bearing a child with the mark of the hare, or a harelip, at that time, was thought to have had to have had relations with Satan. And thus, the cleft-affected child born of a woman, say, in Salem Massachusetts during the mid 17th century, in the midst of witchcraft hysteria would have condemned his mother to a violent end. That baby would have constituted "irrefutable evidence" of his mother's unnatural liaison with Satan.

Fast forward now to the 20th Century. Many people still use the term, "HareLip" when they mean to say, "Cleft Lip". Do they associate our children with Satanism and witchcraft? No, surely they don't. But it is nonetheless a term that has persevered in our language, long after a more accurate, more appropriate term has been coined.

At the very least, the term, "HareLip" likens our children to a common field rodent. It is not a soft, fluffy bunny. It is just a rodent. At the very most it harkens back to a darker past. A past that would never have happened were it not for massive hysteria on the part of a superstitious and almost militantly religious population. A past that condemned our children as the Devil's Seed, and condemned their mothers to death.

Maybe it's because I'm from Beverly, the town just north of Salem. But this really got to me. I try to be upbeat, and educate people about Jack's cleft. I was so excited about "Smile Pinki" getting so much attention. But when things like this happen, I feel like we are taking 10 steps back. I have seen the documentaries from operation smile, that talk about children being shunned. I just saw this. But I feel like we have really come a long way, and then this happened.

I was saying on facebook, how annoying it is, that as upset as most of my friends with cranio facial conditions in the family and I are about this, it won't get the attention it deserves. It's not going to be a hot topic on The View, it's not going to be covered on all the entertainment shows, or even make it on the news. "McSteamy says HARELIP, sending many families affected by cleft lips, into an emotional frenzy! WHAT is the origin, WHERE did it come from, WHY are these parents so upset?" Ya, NOT going to happen. THAT annoys me. So I'll just write about it on my blog, and on facebook, and put it on You Tube. If I educate one person, I'll be happy. I just wish my voice was bigger, louder, prettier, skinnier, drunk, had an umbrella hitting cars, or wasn't wearing panties. Then maybe I'd get my point across.

I'll calm down soon enough. Maybe...

We have a new palate

2009-03-10T20:01:00.002-06:00

I just have a sec, but thought I'd give a quick update.

Jack had his hard palate repaired today, and some revision on the inside of his lip. So far he's doing pretty good. He hasn't peed yet, it's been 12 hours, I'm starting to worry a little... but when do I NOT worry!! :)

We should be home by early morning... if he pees that is.

He is waking up more and more. Gramma is with him now, and I need to grab some food... So I'll update more tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Jack!!

2009-03-09T12:26:00.003-06:00

My sweet boy is THREE!! Lately, I've been very retrospective. I've been looking through old video, and pictures, and thought I'd share some of favorites!

This is one of my favorite videos. It's from right before his first surgery. As we head into #8, I love seeing his sweet wide smile! Oh how I miss it!

And of course this one.

I can't even believe this is Jack.

Oh how I love this picture. Doesn't need much explaination does it?

Seriously...

My GYN's office is at the hospital where I got most of my prenatal care, and where Jack was born. Everytime I go there, I'm right back to the time we spent there. It's Pavlovian. I pull into the parking lot and I have a panic attack. I had so many appointments there, that didn't go well.

At this hospital, as I'm sure many, everytime a baby is born, they play a little "Rock a Bye" 3 sec thing over the PA system. I remember hearing it when I was there for appointments, and the yearning I felt to hear it play, when Jack was going to be born alive. I remember hearing it, as they wheeled me back to my room after the c section and crying, cuz I knew it was for him, and he was alive and well. I had an appointment last week, and while we were there, the song came over the PA. I was immediatly overcome with tears. Here I was chasing after Jack 3 years later, hearing this sweet little song, that I'm sure many people don't even realize. He was running into the gift shop. When I was retrieving him, I saw these little bears wearing a tshirt that said, "I "Heart" St. Mark's Hospital." I HAD to have it for Jack. I want him to always know, what they did for him, and for our family. That place changed our lives forever.

If you want to have your own walk down memory lane...

http://thesimmonsfamily.us/gallery/main.php?g2_itemId=423

I just can't believe he's 3. And he just gets sweeter, and cuter everyday!!

I LOVE YOU BUDDY!!!!

WHAT!?!?

2009-03-06T12:12:00.003-07:00

So the first couple of days, he couldn't get a straw to work. Well, check it out!

And he's SO proud of himself! :)

It's about time...

2009-03-02T09:31:00.001-07:00

** Warning ** There's a swear word towards the end.

This is a problem in Utah. :)

He's GREAT!

2009-02-27T18:00:00.003-07:00

I'd tell you everything, but I'm too tired. I put pictures on facebook! And it kind of tells the story.

So when I am over wanting to throw up... I tell you everything. But know he was great, and I survived. :) One down, one in 10 days. *sigh*

Feeling better-ish

2009-02-26T16:05:00.003-07:00

I feel a little more in control now that we have a "plan". He has to be there tomorrow at 9 am. I am SO RELIEVED! He can have clear liquids until 7:30, which is about the time he gets up, so I think it will be fine. And the PS said it only takes like a minute, so we should be in and out. YAY!

We also had the pre-op appointment for the surgery on the 10th. It was great to hear the plan of attack! :) AND... he is going to revise under his upper lip. I've been worried about this for a long time. He has tissue that droops down when he grins and laughs, and that piece that goes between your gums, and your lip? Ya, that thing. His is right between his two middle teeth, and really short, so they are fixing that too. It's called a vestibuloplasty. I couldn't find any good info when I googled it. Sorry. But I'll try to get some good before and after pictures. :)

And of course the palate. We'll be staying overnight, but on the surgical unit. I love it there. The germ level is low! ;) AND they are very attentive!

So, I'm feeling better-ish... now that I have a plan. *sigh*

Best laid plans

2009-02-26T09:55:00.005-07:00

Yesterday I was so distracted, I just hit publish, before I was really done, and I couldn't really collect my thoughts. So I'm going to try now.

If you have been through this process, you will know what I'm saying. Maybe it's just me, and the way my brain works. See, I'm a planner. I don't like a change an abrupt change in plans. And this... is abrupt. Since he was born, I have been planning on the summer after his third birthday. And now, it's tomorrow. I don't like when things sneak up on me. Don't get me wrong, I asked for this! I said, "Can we move it up?" But when reality sets in... mamma's freakin out.

So here's what I'm freaking out about. I know, you wanted a list... :)

He's 3 now. He can protest.
He's a three yr old, who wants to eat, the second he wakes up. And follows me around the house whining, until he gets something, and then not just something... EXACTLY WHAT HE WANT'S!!!
He hasn't been under anesthesia in a yr and a half. His little body is different. How is that going to go?
He's smart. What is HE going to think of all this?
What is he going to think about the new hole in his mouth.
What if they drop one of the screws in his throat? I know, not likely, whatever...
What IS is palate going to look like? What if it hasn't grown together enough? What then?
Oh, and I don't have a laptop this time. My brain, may implode. I'm just warning you.

I've been thinking alot lately about his speech. I've been told when the prosthesis comes out, they are more nasal sounding. I'm not really sure how much worse it can get with this kid. It should be interesting. Then I worry, is he going to stop talking, because it feels so weird?

But I heard a great webinar the other day. It was a speech therapist. What I realized was, even adults can relearn their speech patterns. Even I did. I grew up in Boston, where I'm sure you knw, they have HORRIBLE accents- and I say that with love. How they don't know this I'm not sure... heehee Anyway, I tried really hard when I moved away to lose the obvious ones. But my friends would catch me. They said when I talked fast, it would come out. Like quorta (quarter) things like that. All you Bostonians, don't send me hate mail, you know it's true! ;)

So it got me thinking about Jack. I have been so worried about PREVENTION with him. MAKING him say it right. But he doesn't even have the tools, so to speak-no pun intended ;). I have said over and over, the more he talks, the worse it gets! But that my friends is what speech therapy is for! He just needs to work on articulation! Getting the hole fixed in the roof of his mouth should help! So I am glad he is getting it fixed, before we start with a new speech therapist.

So I just keep thinking about how pre op will go. He is SO much older now. I mean , he really is a different person. When Emma had her's I explained it to her as much as I could, and she did pretty well. But he is big, but little. *sigh* Should be interesting.

Now I'm back to waiting... how I hate it. I wrote this last time, nothing has changed. I just reread it, and it makes me cry. I really don't want to, but again, I know this is in HIS best interest. Getting it out helps. Rereading past ventings, makes it worse though... ugh. :)

Sometimes.... it just sucks.

Sometimes... it rocks.

Here's to praying for the last one.

Here we go again...

2009-02-25T14:05:00.003-07:00

I've had in my head Jack was having his next surgery(hard palate repair)this summer. Well, do to uncertain times at Dh's job, we decided to move it up, just in case.

Well, moving it up, starts friday. When I called to see if the timeline fit for Jack, she said, yes, but March 10th, is the only opening I have. The day after Jack's third bday, he'll go in for his 8th surgery. This Friday, Feb 28th, he goes in to remove the prosthesis (retainer). It's considered surgery because they will put him under general. And he IS getting something "unscrewed" from his jaw. I've been told from my experts, it is smooth, and easy. Let's hope.

So now starting preschool is put off for a little bit too. BUT, the good news is, it is perfect timing. Now we will be able to start speech therapy... WITH A PALATE!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll keep you all posted!

ABC's

2009-02-19T10:16:00.004-07:00

Check out the boy who wasn't supposed to live! THis is an "I TOLD YOU SO"... to the doctors who "advised me" to terminate.

Seriously, how amazing is he?

I'm one of them!!

2009-02-09T10:51:00.002-07:00

YIKES, it's been awhile huh? Don't really have time to update, but the thought of it being Feb 9th, and last post Jan 24th, is making me crazy!! :)

This week is the play! It has been SO fun, and SO stressful! I can't wait till all our hardwork is on display, ya know?

Emma had a great bday! The big 6!!! I'll get pictures up sooner or later. I put some on facebook! And some cute videos of Jack.

Work is good, still fun. The current show is SO FUNNY!! Makes me giggle everyday!

Jack is heading out of Early Intervention! CRAZY!! He starts preschool the day after his bday! March 10th. Wow, I still can barely believe it. I have stories about when we did his testing... So be watching for that!

So, I haven't fallen off the planet, just running around on it!

MOTHERS

2009-01-26T10:38:00.002-07:00

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
they don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...

~*~

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

~*~

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows,
and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Future Neurosurgeons

2009-01-23T12:42:00.006-07:00

Last night, we got to go to a hydrocephalus support group meeting, and learned some cool stuff! It was all about brain anatomy. Most of it went pretty much over my head... no pun intended. Then they had a plastic brain, and showed us exactly how shunts are placed, and how they work! It was so cool! Parker and Emma even got to do it!

Jack looking at what's in his head.

Jack and Daddy walking down the hall.

Such a sweet boy!! Oh, and Jack is cute too... ;)

Who am I really?

2009-01-16T11:24:00.003-07:00

So I've been struggling, as most of you know, with who I really am, who I want to be. Which hat do I where when? How do I juggle everything I want to do and be?

So I thought maybe some new names would help! Check it out, what do you think??

I could be:

A Pirate named Reeking Nancy Jones.

A Rocker named Charity Sparks.

A stripper named Samantha Sugarthong

A Jedi named SIMJE DEBEV of the planet ambien

The Crazy-Weird Shakespearean, named Jaquenetta the Hot Wench

A nerd named Grace, the Postscript Savant

A socially accepted mormon named Jennilyn Kaysional Tempest

A Dragon named Gretchen the Small one (Silver Dragon)

A Fairy named Fanny Crimson Moondust

A Vampire named ELENA (Moon)

A Super hero named Queen Vixen

A Mexican Wrestler named Violencia en Fuego

Ok, that was silly. But seriously... I have issues. And I think this name thing made it worse! ;)

This is who I think I am today in alphabetical order:

addict, activist, anxious, aunt
blessed, behind, NOT the biggest loser-gimme a week on campus, I'll be fine...
lover of choral music, cute, caretaker, cargiver
drama queen, detective, director, daughter
emma's mom, excited, exhausted
funny, fixer, frustrated, freakin awesome
giant sucker, giggler
huge heart- is that the same as giant sucker? heartburn haver
insane, inconsistant
Jen, Jenny, or Jennifer- depending on how you know me. Jack's Mom
kooky kewl- Parker said it...,
leader, loser, lucky
muncher of munchies
nice- too nice sometimes (see giant sucker and huge heart), nick's Mom, nausous
overwhelmed, octupus, over achiever
paranoid, people person, parker's Mom
quiet, queen of everything, quitter
reader, restless, regretful
sinner, saint, sad, sassy, stay at home mom, sister, singer, single mom
tall, talented, talkative
understanding, undone
veteran, volunteer
wasteful, wishful, waning, working mom, wife, WoW hater
xray vision- eyes in the back of my head, and can read a ct scan! ;)
yellow bellied, yeller
zealous, dont get enough Z's

Wow, that was intense. Try your own alphabetical list... see what you come up with!

Oh the joy

2009-01-15T11:40:00.002-07:00

K, so Beaches is one of my all time favorite movies. Wind Beneath My Wings has become one of my staples. I've sung it for many an occasion. But this song has got to be my favorite.

I'm sorry, it has some "bad words" in it, so you might want to shield your children!

The funniest thing for me, is back in the 80's they pointed to the sky, now I just try to keep the high and dry! ;)

Quote of the day:

2009-01-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

:)

... is trying to not get hit.

2009-01-12T13:47:00.003-07:00

So I've been into Facebook lately. It's pretty entertaining, peeking into people lives. Giving them a peek into mine. And it's WAY easier to upload photos to. Also, I've had SO MUCH to talk about, I can't sort it all out, so I just don't. So that's my excuse for not posting on here very much. But I'm going to try and tell you some stuff. *sigh*

Here goes:

I feel like I live in a tornado. Things come and go fast. I dread it coming, then it's over. Christmas was a big one. I knew we didnt have a lot of money, and we didnt have ANY until the weekend before. Every year we get them all kinds of crap, and they lose or break 80% of it, before New Years. This year, I wasn't in the mood. I also didn't have the time or the energy to buy the lots of presents, just so they would have lots of "things" to open. So I didn't. They each got 2 or 3 things. We also picked names, all 6 of us. Each one was in charge of picking out something under $20. It was great. I do feel bad though. Emma drew Daddy. We walked around the store for like an hour, and she just couldn't decide. I mean really, I couldn't either. What DO you by for someone who buys what he wants for himself!? So then he tells her he wants some comic book, but it doesn't come out till Christmas eve. And what comic book store is going to be open on Christmas eve. So all Daddy got was a bag of dark chocolate. And of course, the day after Christmas, he went out and bought the comic book. The boys got Xbox 360, and it really has been fun for everyone. Even Jack gets into it! He LOVES Ah ero! (Guitar Hero) and unfortunatly, ALO! (Halo) He constantly runs around the house saying "I WON!!" It's pretty cute! So all in all Christmas was a success, and the tree came down the next day, cuz it was making me crazy! :)

Then there is the play. This is the year all the elementary's get to put on a musical! I've been wanting to be involved in this for a long time. When I found out a good friend of mine was directing, I was in!! Parker was SO excited! He has been waiting and hoping too! So I signed up to be her assistant director. Sure, I have all the time inthe world! Right? We are doing a melodrama, you know, there's a hero, and a villian, and a sweet heroin. I go to help with tryouts, and then she tells me, I will do casting by myself. I really wanted to help, but since my son tried out, we both felt it would be better if only SHE did the casting. Well, she cast parker in the LEAD!! YIKES!! He was SO excited! He plays the "oozing with charm" Professor Silias Scavenger. He has I think over 150 lines in this one hour play. And every line he is being an over the top silly mean repulsing villian! He's gonna be great!!!

So now, I'm not only in charge of many things regarding the play, but I'm worried about Parker doing his best! ugh ugh ugh We are dealing with snotty little girls, and parents who won't pick up their kids on time. I know, nothing new, but it's just adding to my tornado.

Then we have a follow up appointment with Genetics. I get paperwork in the mail that wants all new Dr's records, everything pertaining to his care, SINCE HIS LAST APPOINTMENT!!! Oh my hell. He was like a month old. Are you kidding ME?!?!?!??!! This kid has like 9 different Dr's. So I'm going back and forth. What info do they want? His chart at his peds is like 4 inches thick. Luckily all his records at PCMC, I don't have to worry about getting, because he has access to those. But it still leaves 4 other places. And then I think, do we really NEED this appointment? I mean what will they tell us? What difference in Jack's life, will it make? Jack is Jack, end of story. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Then there is Emma, I'm worried again about her tonsils being so big. Cuz ya know, I have nothing else to worry about.

Then there is me. I have had terrible heartburn for a few years now. Bad enough that the wussy pepcid doesnt even touch it. And it comes in different ways. SOmetimes it's the standard heartburn, where your chest feels like it's on fire. Other times it's like a sour stomach. Other times it hurts inbetween my shoulder blades. I even went to the ER once, cuz the pain was too much like a heart attack. Then a couple of times, it felt like there was a hole in the bottom of my esophagus. It only hurt when something went over it though, you know, like AIR AND SPIT!!! *rolling eyes* So I about hiatal hernias, and self diagnosed! :) I've been taking one of those over the counter once a day heartburn meds, and it seems to be working. Or... is it just MASKING a bigger problem?

So my Mom asked me to go with her to her follow up for her endoscopy. When there was a quiet moment, I aske dthe Dr if I needed a referal for one. he said, Why do you want one? I told him a little of my history, and that I thought I had a hiatal hernia, he just said... "ooooooo". So he did a consult right then and there, and mine is on the 20th. I'm a little nervous about it. Not too bad, but, you all know how I am. Something else in the tornado. I'll be out of commision the whole day. Ya, I have time for that. So I scheduled it for 2 in the afternoon, so at least the morning can be normal. HAHAHAHA....

There are SO many other things I keep dodging in my tornado. It's getting old really. But I won't bore you with them. Just wish me luck, and if I get hit, I'll try to let you know!

Like old times

2008-12-30T11:17:00.006-07:00

I have been working SO much this past month. When you're in the middle of it all, you don't realize what you are missing. Well last night, Jack snuggled up with me, and we fell asleep on the couch. I was thinking, this is something I've been missing. Then I realized how long it's actually been. We used to snuggle on the couch all the time...then he go big... :)

So I had Emma take a picture. Then realized I had a picture of her snuggling too, so I had her join us, and Parker take the picture! Too cute... she is MUCH heavier than she used to be. :)

Here is the old one... I can't believe how big they are!

Global Warming

2008-12-25T14:43:00.003-07:00

You tell me... do you believe in global warming??

Parker does!

heehee

2008-12-17T10:52:00.006-07:00

WE had a HUGE snowstorm yesterday. It just kept snowing, and snowing... So I thought I'd take the kids out, while I tackled the front walk.

Jack has been talking more and more. Still not very may consenants, and he has his favorites, and most of it we can understand. This one...is too cute.

Then here are some pictures from fun in the SNOW!

And these I just thought were pretty. :)

I know I know... icicles mean poor insulation, but it doesn't mean you can't find beauty in it? :)

What's your favorite Carol?

2008-12-10T11:43:00.004-07:00

A Christmas carol (also called a noël) is a carol (song or hymn) whose lyrics are on the theme of Christmas, or the winter season in general and which are traditionally sung in the period before Christmas.

So what's YOUR favorite? Hmmm???

Here is mine. And I love how old it is! :)

Some other new favs...

These are off Kristin Chenoweth's new Christmas album. By far this one is my fav. It is so beautiful! Parker said to me the other day, how weird that her speaking voice is so squeaky, but her singing voice is so pretty! I love her. The videos, you don't have to watch. They are just the music, and one picture, so feel free to do other things while you listen!

And this one, plays at work all the time, I think it's in the show... you can tell how well I pay attention... heehee But I tend to sing it often...*sheepish grin* I need to add it to my repertoire.

Now, one of my least favorites, has always been O Holy Night. I think it's because it is SO over done and SO over done- poorly. It's sucha beautiful song, and people tend to butcher it. Don't believe, do a search in youtube...ugh

When Josh Groban did it, I loved it.

Celine's version, isn't bad either.

But... I have a new favorite version.

I love the arrangment, I love how much he puts into it. I love him...duh... :)

And this....is just silliness.

So...what's your favorite. Consider this a tag... find a youtube version of your fav, and put it on your blog!! :) Leave me a comment if you do it!
Can't wait to see them!

Idol... it's coming...

2008-12-01T09:17:00.002-07:00

So I was going through the CD's and such, and found the cd of when Em and I went downtown to try and see David. We ended up on the news. It was so funny, and Emma was SO cute!

See it here!

I'm telling you uys, cuz noone looks at the idol blog anymore... :( just kidding...

We're getting excited for January...

The Sweetness of Jack: The Ham!

2008-11-24T10:34:00.006-07:00

I got Jack out of the tub the other day, and he was so cute all snuggled up, and insisted on staying that way. So I grabbed the camera. He is such a ham...ooooohhhh I love this kid!

Enjoy!

And then of course, a little video...in case you didn't grasp the peek a boo.

Then I got this one...

and it reminded me of one my favorite baby pictures...

Seriously, is there anything sweeter!?!??!? He has changed SO much, and yet his soul is the same. You'ld never know all this kid has been through, looking at him.

Catch up

2008-11-20T13:25:00.002-07:00

Sorry...

So Jack's cheek is a bruise, that turned to scar tissue. duh... He just wants to watch it and recheck it in about 6 months or so. So it looks like he'll have a sweet dimple for a while, if not forever. *rolling eyes* He did hit it the other day again, and now the knot is harder...this kid.

Emma is feeling better. Fortunately her rapid strep was negative. Unfortunately, her rapid strep was negative, so she's still sick. Just a little cold, but can't go to school, so she's going crazy! "I miss my friends", she sobbed to me this am. :(

Other than that, I'm trying to pretend Christmas is not coming. But it's Christmas at work...so it's hard to deny.

I'll let you know if something exciting happens!

Converting

2008-11-16T14:45:00.002-07:00

So Emma is running a temp. *sigh* She woke up in the middle of the night, ok, it was 6 am, but when you've gone to bed at 1 am, it sure feels like it.

Anyway... sore throat headache thing, I am a little worried, cuz this is the age Parker started getting strep every 6 weeks or so...till his tonsils came out, and hers...ARE HUGE! ...but the real reason I'm blogging about this is...

My ear thermometer, has been well used, and unfortunatly "played with". So it only reads in celsius. When she had her kidney infection, in the ER her temp was 40 something, and that alone shot her to the head of the line to be seen. And when Jack was in the nicu, I remember something about 36-37 being normal. So when it read 38.8, i knew is was high, plus she as hot. :)

Anyway, I just got on the computer to find out what it was exactly, and found this page. Cool, but when I read how to convert using math, instead of a computer formula, I laughed out loud. I'll share it with you, so you all can do it, when your computor is not handy!

°F to °C
Deduct 32, then multiply by 5, then divide by 9
°C to °F
Multiply by 9, then divide by 5, then add 32

Ya, my brain's gonna compute that when I have a sick kid in the middle of the night! haha

I just know 38, is "running a temp". We'll leave it at that.

stuff to look at...

2008-11-12T10:53:00.001-07:00

I did a few posts on the other blog...if you wanted to know... if you need an invite, let me know! :)

Something else

2008-11-12T09:22:00.004-07:00

So Jack has something new going on...

I looked at him the other day, as he was grinning at me and realized he had a dimple, he never had before. Then I noticed, "he has had that bruise, for a LONG time, too long." Yet, I can't remember how long, or even how it happened.

I asked him how he hurt his cheek, and he pointed to Parker. *rolling eyes*

It only dimples when he smiles, and the bruise has a knot in the middle of it. And to make it MORE interesting, it's in the same side of his face his cleft is on.

Here's a couple pictures taken on the same day, a couple days ago.

This is his favorite toy. And just a funny picture. But a good one of the "dimple".

So I have been wondering what to do, who to call, if it's worth worrying about. I finally decided to call the plastic surgeon, since he's the one "in charge" of his face. Well he wants to know, when and how did it happen. And I'm embarassed, that I don't know. None of us, can remember.

Well, I decided, to look back through pictures. I take a few, if you didn't know. And fortunatley, they are dated! YAY! So I found this one taken on Oct 16th.

And then we all remember, a couple days before, he had tripped in the office, and landed on the wheel/leg of the chair. I'm SO glad we remembered, and found out how long it's been. A month is a bit long, for a bruise, don't you think?

So his appointment is tomorrow, and we are hoping and praying it's nothing. Join me won't you??

One Proud Momma

2008-11-07T13:52:00.002-07:00

I've always known Parker was special, even when he was little. Actually, when he was little, he was a pain, but when he wasn't being a pain, he was sweet.

Yesterday, his teacher gave me the greatest gift. She told me how much she loves having Parker in her class. She said how he is so popular, everyone gravitates to him, and that he is "A little ball of Sunshine." We are still giggling about that one.

But the gift was when she told me about Jebba. Jebba is a little girl with special needs, in his class. She is from Africa I think. She came to the states last year to get help with her severe facial cleft. I, of course was instantly drawn to her, but so was Parker. He was so excited the first day of school, when he found out she was in his class. He talks about her often, and how cute and funny she is. A few weeks ago, she had some work done on her face. The second he got in the car, he tells me" Jebba is having surgery tomorrow!" Then he saw her, getting on the bus, and was SCREAMING out the window..."JEBBA, JEBBA, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SURGERY!!!!" Then one of the girl in their class ran up and gave her a big hug. It was so sweet, I cried.

There are a group of girls, that really watch out for her, and help her in the class. She has an aide, but she also gets help from the kids. Mrs H, told me, that Jebba always picks the girls to help her. Then last week, she picked Parker. We talked about how Parker's main issue with his school work, is staying on task. And yet, when he was helping Jebba, he was TOTALLY focused for the 20 minutes they were working together. She said that she has been so impressed with Parker the whole year. But to see him working with Jebba was so moving, and it really touched her. She felt like she had witnessed Parker's life unfolding, and how neat it was to watch this amazing 11 yr old, and see what a wonderful special ed teacher he would be. She moved me to tears, yet again. Then she said, "Having Jack for a brother has really determined your path Parker." He is SUCH a good big brother, and loves Jack SO MUCH. I'm just glad we get to share him with Jebba too!!

I'm so proud of him, I don't have enough words. And I'm pretty sure HE'S proud of himself too...

Cool Song

2008-11-06T10:47:00.002-07:00

Jack's new theme song.

I know he can walk, but I think many things will come hard to him, and already have. This song touched me! I think it's a good message for all of us!!

Jack has something to say...

2008-11-04T08:42:00.002-07:00

Emma tells a joke and states the obvious

2008-11-03T11:10:00.004-07:00

"Hey Mom, what is black and white and red all over? A Zebra in a blender! HAHAHAHA

Hey Mom! What is green and red all over? A FROG in a blender!

What's pink and pyrple and read all over? A Butterfly! This wing is pink, and this wing is purple.

What's black and blue and red all over? A black and blue sea horse in a blender.

What's grey and has a big trunk and is red all over? An Elephant in a blender!

Oh, and did I mention, the blender is REALLY big!!!"

Oh this girl kills me...

Halloween!

2008-11-02T01:39:00.003-06:00

Here are some. I have more, but they are of s at school, and I don't think their parents want me posting their kids pictures on my blog! :)

Ths one is at Daddy' work.

ONE WORD

2008-11-02T01:07:00.003-06:00

The Rules: Answer the questions using only ONE WORD.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse

2. Your significant other? sleeping

3. Your hair? flat

4. Your mother? loving

5. Your father? intermitten

6. Your favorite thing? laughing

7. Your dream last night? idunno

8 Your favorite drink? water

9. Your dream/goal? contentment

10. The room you’re in? office

11. Your hobby? singing

12. Your fear? illness

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? content

14. What you’re not? organized

15. Muffins? YUM!

16. One of your wish list items? house

17. Where you grew up? beverly

18. The last thing you did? IHOP

19. What are you wearing? jammies

20. Favorite gadget? phone

22. Your computer? his

23. Your mood? good

24. Missing someone? always

25. Your car? messy

26. Something you’re not wearing? pants

27. Favorite store? albertsons( sad I know.)

28. Like someone? yes

29. Your favorite color? pink

30. When is the last time you laughed? today- alot

31. Last time you cried? today

Pumpkins!

2008-11-01T11:36:00.006-06:00

Carving our pumkins seemed like it was never going to happen. I took me forever to get some, and then with me working evenings, we could never coordinate carving them. SO YAY...the kids were off school Fri, so we headed outside...yay again for beautiful weather... and got the nastiness over with. Just kidding... The kids had fun, Jack thought it was all SO interesting...but we did miss Daddy.

The results of Saturday

2008-10-27T12:01:00.005-06:00

Dentist appointment at 8 am (luckily his dad took him) He had an absess in a baby molar, so he got it pulled...oops...just realized the tooth fairy didn't come. Whatever...see this post. Oh, and I'm going for worst mom of the year, with these pesky molar infections...

Get Parker's costume, and rest of Emma's, and find Jack's

Go get pumpkins. Can't go to the grocery store, oh no heaven forbid, must go to the FARM and pick them out from a patch! Ya, SOOOOO didn't happen, I got them at walmart. *rolling eyes*
Go see Beauty and the Beast at a local High School. It was SO great! I swear, high school kids get more and more talented all the time!!

Go to a Trunk or Treat thing at a school down the street. This was fun too! It was weird, cuz it was so WARM! I had on a light sweater, and had to roll up the sleeves! CRAZY!! Who ever thought of trunk or treats, needs a medal!

Try to see a friend I haven't seen in years. Totally didn't happen! :( Hopefully at Christmas, when she'll be back in town!

Work for 7 hours. Always fun and entertaining! I love how I can do all kinds of things during the day, and yet still get in 7 hours at work. Being open untill 1 is really a blessing. Although... I usually hit a wall around 11, then get my second wind and I'm fine! :)

So it was a good day all around. I'm so exctied about the costumes this yr. I only purchased a couple things for Parker, the rest, we already had! WOO HOO! I swear, what is wrong with us, that we put so much pressure on ourselves for this stupid holiday? Sheesh...

It's a bird, it's a plane...

2008-10-25T10:16:00.004-06:00

Let's see...

Dentist appointment at 8 am (luckily his dad took him)
Get Parker's costume, and rest of Emma's, and find Jack's
Go get pumpkins. Can't go to the grocery store, oh no heaven forbid, must go to the FARM and pick them out from a patch!
Go see Beauty and the Beast at a local High School.
Go to a Trunk or Treat thing at a school down the street.
Try to see a friend I haven't seen in years.
Work for 7 hours.

This is my agenda for Sat Oct 25th. Hmmmm... she's trying to be super mom again...

And thanks to Lisa, for the inspiration! :)

It's a free country my *ss

2008-10-23T10:13:00.003-06:00

This election stuff is making me crazy. I have debated for a long time posting anything. And if you have a comment... be gentle. :)

I hate how hateful everyone is. What happened to free speech, and the right to have an opinion? What happened to the constitution? Why must we change it? Why must abortion, and gay marriage be ILLEGAL. I mean, when you make stuff illegal, bad things happen. People have free choice, no? "It's a free country!" No? Doesn't feel like it.

How is my neighbor marrying her girlfriend, or the love of his life, going to affect me...honestly. I know all the GOD DID NOT INTEND IT. That's fine and proper and all. But what does changing the constitution, have to do with a civil marriage? What about my sister inlaws, who were married at city hall? God had nothing to do with their marriage. What about all the people married by an internet certified marriage performer? Are they not going to be recognized as married, because god is not involved?

What happened to being accepting of all people? Regardless of their gender, race, religion.

What happened to teaching children about free choice? How do we teach them about smoking? Do we BAN them from seeing anyone smoking? Do we tell them those people are EVIL, and going to hell, because they are taking bad things into their body? Maybe you do. I don't know. But I tell mine, that yes, it is bad for you, but we all have free agency, and they are choosing to smoke. But are they choosing?

How is this different, than homosexuality? I want my kids to know about all different types of people. They learn all kinds of things at school. Isn't it my job, to explain, yes, some people make different choices? What about when someone at school tells them there is no Santa Clause? Or they have two Daddies? How is, the family who doesn't believe in Santa is going to hell, different than the one with two Daddies is going to hell? Or what about families who don't celebrate Christmas at all?

Maybe I'm way off base here, but so is EVERYONE!! Obama is a terrorist... Palin is a blithering idiot. I'm so sick of it I could scream!!!! Tell me the FACTS people! Don't come to conclusions based on one sentance out of 30, someone says. I'm so sick of people attacking each other! Can't we just fix it? Fix the economy, fix healthcare. TELL ME how you are going to fix it, insstead of attaching the other guy.

Why can we not have simple conversation, with out yelling? Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of it, but I didn't start it.

My final statement? Why can't we just be free to choose? Free to love who we want, free to worship how we want, free to choose where we live, work and go to school. Free to buy the food we want, not what we can afford. This is America, remember...Land of the Free, Home of the Brave? I think someone forgot.

If you're bored...

2008-10-17T10:39:00.003-06:00

...and need a good laugh...

These are clever and funny, and if only I had that much time on my hands, I'd make one too!!

HOME REMEDIES

2008-10-14T11:03:00.003-06:00

This is for Waconia Lisa:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought: Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Neurology update

2008-10-14T10:58:00.002-06:00

Ya, just like I thought. Not much to say, other than, "Oh My! He is doing MUCH better than we expected! Duh...

He said we could have another MRI. Now that debate begins. Because really, it's not going to change anything. We might get a prognosis, might not. There might be something in his malformation that explains his speech delay, or why he spikes a fever, or why/if he has a high tolerence for pain. Or if he is prone to seizures. We haven't had any yet, but lemme tell ya, when ever he does something funky, that's where I go.

So...we are thinking, and debating. Our insurance if different now, so we need to find out cost. argggg everything costs...

And once again, he was a delight...

The many hats we wear.

2008-10-13T09:37:00.002-06:00

Today is a day, I get to wear a few of my favorite hats. So I've been thinking about all the hats I wear, and how best to wear them.

First up PTA Mom- Hat. It's school lunch week, where parents can come and have lunch with their kiddos. Not that they can't all the time, but the school sets aside a few days for this specifically. Anyway, I signed up last week, to be the parent cashier. I said to Parker last night, "So do you want me to come have lunch with you?", knowing full well the answer. I said, "Well I'll be there anyway, taking money." He said, "Will Jack be there then?!?!" Jack, he wants to have lunch with, me, not so much... *grin*

Then before lunch is over, Kindergarten Mom- Hat. I need to send Emma down the hall, while all this other stuff is going on. I'm sure the bell will remind me... :)

Then Jack's Special Needs- Mom Hat. We have the much anticipated neurology appointment today. I'm sure it will be a moo point("Friends" reference). But we're trying anyway. I have NO idea what, if anything we'll find out. But I'll be sure to let you all know...

Then I get to wear my Older Lady But Acts Like a Teenager- Hat, at work! heehee And depending on when we get done at PCMC, I might be managing, which a different hat. So I guess I'll bring both, just in case.

Just for fun, some of my other hats:

Wife, Jr High Mom, Elementary Mom, Advocate, Singer, Cleft Awareness, HPE Awareness, Friend, Shoulder To Cry On, Sister, Daughter, Aunt, Housekeeper, Picker-Upper, Hydrocephalus Awareness, Early Intervention Advocate, Birth defects are Not a Tragedy, Have To Change the World.

Sometimes it makes me a little crooked. It's quite the juggling act, all the different hats we wear, but oh so fun, when I get to do a bunch in one day!!

Ya gotta love um.

2008-10-08T23:53:00.007-06:00

The kids have kinda been makin me crazy lately. Emma, is testing her snotty boundries. Jack's speech seems to be getter further behind, and all he does is whine, and demanded, and cry, into my crotch. Maybe if he was taller, it will be more tolerable. Nick just get's more teen mopey, and Parker is so excited all the time, he needs an off switch. Well tonight was the first night I've had off, and been home in a couple weeks. It was SO nice, to just sit down and eat dinner. And then hang out, and watch our shows.

Anyway, at one point in the night, I looked over, and all three boys were looking at a book. It was SO sweet, and I realized it something I've miss when I'm not here. So I started taking pictures. I looking for that perfect shot...desperate for it, in fact.

The following...is what I got:

Getting better, but Parker's not in it.

I get him back, and he decides to cooperate-or just got into the book.

Yep, into the book.

Then Emma wants to see, of course.

And then I get it...

MY NEW FAVORITE PICTURE!

I cried when it uploaded. It's beautiful. They are beautiful. I love them.

The Third Eye

2008-10-08T14:16:00.005-06:00

Seriously... the stye got worse, but sort of better. And now it looks like a third eye! I took him in, and they can sedate him, or use a papoose board, to "pop it". Um no thanks...he said it's fine running it's course. Of course, I'm freaking out, not being able to pick it, cuz, I'm a picker don't ya know...

He's still the cutest thing ever...even with his third eye.

There may be hope.

2008-10-04T13:15:00.003-06:00

If you watch any TV lately, you know how badly today's youth are perceived. But I am here to tell you, I know some good ones!!

At the theater I work at, most of the employees are between 16 and 20 ish. And what a great bunch of people they are. A couple of them, I have known since they were toddlers. -hi ryan:) These boys, make me so proud everyday. I may not be their mom's, but I know their moms, and gramma's, and they have done/are doing, an amazing job.

I love watching all of them interact with each other. Hearing about what they are doing at school. Relationship woes, parent woes. Anticipating mission calls. I especially love watching them work hard. I have been so impressed with their work ethic, and how they look out for each other.

I feel so lucky, to be a witness to good in the world. Don't get me wrong, they are not all awesome, but the good out way the bad, and try to help them become better.

Eye update

2008-10-01T12:26:00.003-06:00

Well, it's gone. I can't believe it. Totally gone. 10 mm scratch...gone. So that means I didn't get a picture. Oh well, I was ready and everything. I did get some cute ones though.

What an angel!
Such a big boy!

But he's fine, like nothing ever happened. So weird. Apparently the eye, is the fasting healing organ. That my friends- is cool. Oh, and if you want a pediatric opthomlogist who respects your time, email me, I'll give you this guys name. :) We were in and out, in 20 minutes.

14 and counting...

2008-09-29T12:58:00.007-06:00

So about an hour and a half after I posted the pictures post, I changed Jack's diaper, and used the last wipe. So off to the store I went, knowing full well I was breaking the sabbath, and that Jack was PROB going to poop again , before it was NOT the sabbath.

Just as I'm checking out, Steve called. "Hello?", and I hear the sound I always expect to hear, when Steve calls me and is home with the kids-Jack is screaming in the background. "Jack got poked in the eye by the rose bush, you need to come home NOW!"

When I got home, he had calmed down...both of them, but it was still hard to access. The outer corner of his eye was cut, and bleeding, but I couldn't tell if it was actually cut, or just a scratch. And it was so swollen on the bottom, we thought for sure, something was in it!

It was only about 8 ish, and I knew this was a job for pediatrics specialists, so we went to PCMC. Luckily, we never even sat in the waiting room. I had called my mom to meet us, because, well, my two yr old had an eye trauma, and I figured it would be very traumatic. No pun intended.
He was fine, slept all the way up there, and wasn't a bit fussy there. So resident came in, and looked real good, and decided to put dye in his eye, to see if it was scratched. But since Jack was fine, we all figured there was no scratch at all. I mean really, you get a scratch on your eye, and it KILLS... you have to keep rubbing it, it feels like something is in it, your eyes water. None of that with Jack.

He put the dye in his eye, and held up a black light to it. There it was, a floresent yellow line all the way across his eye. And I had no camera. grrr It was seriously the coolest thing ever. But now we have to wait for the opthomolgist to come in- from home. ugh...

I think we finally saw the optho, around 11:00. His scratch was so big, and he had a really good, subjunctal hemorrhage in leimans term, a bruise- they wanted to do a full exam. Why I ask you can they not LEAD with..he has a bruise, or in medical terms-subjunctal hemorrhage. How hard is that? He guy told me, my two yr old has a "big word" hemorrhage, does that sound mild to YOU???I need to put in his chart, MOTHER FREAKS OUT AT BIG WORDS...USE SMALL ONES! Do you think that would work?

Anyway...They brought in those eye exam things you put your chin in, but a little one. Jack was SO good, sat right up with his chin in it, holding the sides! again...no camera. *sigh*

His scratch is 10 mm. From the corner of his eye, all the way across the colored part(cornea), and a little beyond. And the kids isn't complaining a bit. wow...

So he's wearing a patch , and I'm supposed to put ointment in his eye, every 4 hours. Seriously... The patch they sent us home was just gauze and tape. Ya, he took that off, an hour after I put it on.

He's doing well, he was really fussy yesterday, rightfully so. He'd been up till almost 3 am. And he has a 10 mm scratch on his eye. Today he seems better. We have a follow up tomorrow, hopefully...for pictures sake, his scratch will still be there! heehee... I'm such a good mom.

My phone died, just after we got there, so I got one picture, before it died. The rest are once we got home.

You can see how it's swollen on the bottom. And the bruise.

This is the next morning, before before he took it off.

After he took it off.

See, generally happy...
Here's the bruise. It got MUCH worse, which they said it would. Of course, my mind goes straight to brain exploding from the build up of blood in his eye. I need meds...

Here's the NEW patches...SO much bettter! He thinks he's a pirate. Keeps going up to everyone and giving them a thumbs up(instead of the finger hook), and saying...ARGH... so freakin cute.

This was him playing with Emma, he was so happy last night. We were keeping a close EYE...on him- pun intended, since his depth perception was off, but he was fine, running around as usual.

He is such a trooper. Oh, and 14...is the number of ER visits, since he was born. I asked registration if he was listed as a frequent flyer. She said, yes, he'd been there 10 times since he was born. The other 3 were at the "big hospital". You'd never now it looking at him.

I've said it before, but this kid is amazing.

Catch up...with pictures

2008-09-28T18:19:00.003-06:00

I know, I know, I've been a slacker blogger. Just been a busy bee. I got a promotion at work, and the past two weeks, worked alot to train for that. So during the day, I've just been tired!

Anyway, soccer is finally over. YAY! Two was killer. A couple times their games overlapped, and a couple I had to miss cuz of work. But all in all, it was a good season.

Kids are settling into school. Emma still asks everyday, "Do I go to school today?" Yes Emma, everyday...is the standard answer. :) Nick's doing well. Parker is too!

So I thought I'd share a few recent pictures.

I got Jack ready for school, and Emma saw him and said, "Jack, you look like a dork." So she rolled his socks down. Ya, that's better... :)

Just random cuteness... note the words abouve their head.

Seriously...

So freakin cute...
So sweet...

K, gotta run, but enjoy the pictures!

Nick had surgery!

2008-09-28T17:45:00.006-06:00

So Nick has been battling ingrown toenails for years now. He's had to take antibiotics twice, cuz his toe was infected. At his annual chech up, it was all inflamed, so my peds suggested getting it taken care of. So we went to a podiatrist. But it was exciting... to have a procedure done on someone besides Jack!! And of course I brought my camera! haha Oh, this may not be for the faint of heart.

Here goes:

Getting all numbed up. Close up of numbed toe (on the right)

The "set up". The Dr even drew us a diagram.

He cut the whole side of his toenail off, then put this qtip that had a chemical on it, to "kill" the remaing toenail. The blue ring is to decrease blood flow.

Hobbling home... :)
It was pretty cool, and they say, it's almost a 100% fix. He thought he was cool, for sure...

Looking back, but not too far...

2008-09-25T11:13:00.002-06:00

I was telling someone about the program I use for making video, and decided to share with her, a couple that I had made, so she could see what it can do.

Well, I watched this one, and I am just shocked. I posted it almost exactly a year ago. And while the pictures at the time, were from his first year, I am still shocked at how different they all are now. And while I was watching it, I realized I have lots of new friends who may not have seen it.

So here you go... It's really amazing to look back, and realizes it wasn't that long ago.

Is Jack a cat??

2008-09-16T22:52:00.003-06:00

So this was on my friend's blog...she loves cats. But it reminded me SO much of Jack. Insert "Mom", instead of "Meow", and you have a typical moment with Jack...

So funny!

Chain reactions

2008-09-15T14:48:00.009-06:00

I've been so excited to tell you about an assembly Nick and I went to last week, but life has been getting in my way! So here goes... It's called Rachel's Challenge. It was so powerful, and I hope I can do it justice!

Rachel, was the first student killed at Columbine. She and a friend had gone out to the courtyard, to eat lunch, when the boys came out of the school shooting. She was shot 4 times while wearing her backpack. The period before the shootings happened, her teacher saw her drawing a picture in her journal. Her family has labeled it as "Rachel's Tears" If you notice, the tears seem to be watering the rose, but when the tears get the flower, they turn to blood. There are thirteen blood tears, the same number of people killed only a few hours later.

She was a vibrant girl who just a few weeks before wrote this essay for school, that her parents found, a few weeks after she was killed. She had so many goals for herself, and others. Her family wanted to share Rachel with the world. Rachel left her family six journals. In turn, they have started Rachel's Challenge, challanging kids, and adults, to be better people. Here are they 5 main points, as well as my perspecitve on them.

1) Eliminate Prejudice by looking for the best in others. Columbine was a result of bullies, and prejudice. I have always thought of myself as an openminded, non -prejudice person. I had many african american friends growing up. I saw nothing different about them. I've always tried to accept people with obvious disabilties. But I am prejudice. I judge people by an ugly shirt they are wearing, and because their hair is unkept. How am I any better than the bigots, who judge people because of the color of their skin. So I accept this challenge. I will work on judging people just because their style is different than mine.

2)Dare to Dream. Write down goals- Keep a journal. Well I'm a dreamer that's for sure, and this blog, I'd consider this a journal, but I need to write down my goals. I know I'll accomplish more, if it's written down. And I heard long time ago on Oprah, to set goals for your life. And then when you are making your to do lists for the day, only do the things that will help you reach those goals. I did it a long time ago, and try to stick to it, but I need to write them down, and make SURE I'm doing it.

3) Choose Positive Influences. Input determines output. I think I've done pretty well at this thoughout my life. It sure is easier as an adult though. But I have to say, I try to be friends with lots of different people. A really cool quote I heard at the assembly was, "Don't let your character change color with the environment. Find who you are and let it stay in it's true colors" I LOVE THIS!! I may "hang out" with different kinds of people, but I try to stay true to myself. For instance, people at work, are David Cook fans... but I am definitely not switching sides!! ;) Oh I'm kidding, but really, I know people who have a different "voice" when they talk to different people. Maybe that's different, I don't know. But I do believe, and try to live, that we need to be who we are, in all facets of our life, and not change colors, when it's convenient. We need to stand up for what we believe in.

4) Kind Words. Small Acts of Kindness = Huge Impact. I have been a fan of this for years! But it's good to be reminded over and over. I remember O, was on a random acts of kindness kick years ago. She went to the toll booths, and paid everyones toll for the day. It was fun to watch, but really, one small thing, impacted a LOT of people. Whether it's meeting someones gaze, and smiling, wandering around the mall, or saying GOOD MORNING! to folks you encounter when you're on a walk , or offering someone going into the grocery store, your cart you are finished with, all of these things make an impact. At work, I try to finish a call, calling them by name. Small thing-Huge Impact. When someone does something nice for me... it makes my whole day better!

5) Start a Chain Reaction. The moto for Rachel's Challenge is, "You just might start a chain reaction!" There's not much I can add to that.

This beautiful girl lived her short life by these rules. She told her family and friends many times, she wanted to change the world. I told you she kept a journal, but she was also very artistic. About 6 weeks after she was killed, the police realsed her backpack to her family. In it, they found her last journal. On the back cover she had written, "I won't be labeled as average." Check out the picture. The hole by the binder is from one of the bullets, and now acts as an exclamation point!

About three years after her death, the family was moving some furniture in her room and found this behind her dresser. If you can't read it, it says, "These hands belong to Rachel Joy Scott and will some day touch millions of people's hearts." When they found it, their assemblies HAD reach millions.

One last thing, after her death, people kept telling her family how much she meant to them. They heard all kinds of stories, but one that touched our hearts was about a boy who had been teased a lot, and Rachel always made a point to talk to him in the halls, and he felt like she was his only friend. When the presenter first told us about this boy, he said, " He was born with some birth defects that made him look a little different, and he had a few learning disabilites." I started to BALL. The tears just streamed down my face. We all know how I hate glimpses into the future. Well, at one point, Nick looked up at me, and had tears in his eyes too. Of course this set me off even worse!

But see, all Rachel did, was give him the time of day, and made him feel like someone thought he was important. He told her family, the first time she talked to him, he had been plnanning that weekend, to taking his own life, but changed his mind, when she stuck up for him, and became his friend. Not only do I want to be like this, but I want Jack to encounter people like this everyday of his life!

So I challenge YOU to take the challenge! Go the website, find out about having an assembly at YOUR school! I only hope you will be half as inspired as we have been!!

The "R" word hits home.

2008-09-10T16:05:00.002-06:00

So we're coming home from school today, with one of Parker's friends. They were all talking, and laughing up a storm, and the friend called Parker, "Retarded." I said, without skipping a beat- very nicely, "We don't use that word at our house." It kind of threw him for a minute, and then he said, "Well, EVERYBODY at school says it, so ya better get used to it", or something to that affect. I rebutted with, "Well, I know sometimes people say it to be funny, but people really ARE retarded, and when you make fun of someone by saying that, it hurts the people who really are. Ya know, our Jack could be considered retarded."

Parker then piped up and said, "Ya a 6th grader said it the other day, and I told him, 'HEY, my little brother is retarded!! Don't say that!'" His friend said, "Oh sorry Jack!"

My heart was so full of pride for Parker and his friend.

Then Emma said, "I think he was talking about Nick!!!" We laughed all the way home.

Oh my... she makes us giggle.

Knock on wood...ya right

2008-09-10T09:26:00.003-06:00

The more I say it, the more chance of higher the chance of something bad happening. It seems like lately, I've been telling LOTS of people, "He's GREAT!!!" "No surgery for a year!" "Haven't been to an ER in ages." The increase is probably due to back to school and catching up with people from the summer. But I really need to say, "He's fine." And leave it at that.

Last week, I had a cold, and this week, Parker and Jack, and now Emma came down with it. Jack, well, he gets bad...fast. Last year, he ended up in the hospital for 3 days, from a cold. So I've been watching him close, waiting for the fever spike, which he is so good at. And we all know, I'm always on shunt alert.

He took a LONG nap yesterday, over 3 hours, but he's sick. No big deal. Then last night around 9:00, he started getting fussy. Now sure all two yr olds are fussy. Not him. The fussiness turned into whimpering, and grabbing his head, rubbing his forehead, and cold sweats. I'd say, "Does your tummy hurt? Does you head hurt? Do your ears hurt?" A whimpered "YA", to all but ears, that one got a no. He went on for about an hour, crying, and whimpering, squinting his eyes, like it hurt to open them.

So I had Daddy ask him what was wrong. Maybe he could get more information. Now he's telling us, his elbow and knees hurt. Um...maybe it's time to stop asking. So after about an hour an a half of this, I decided to take him in. So now is the dilemma, drive across the street, or 20 min to the hospital that takes care of children. *sigh*

I headed to PCMC, but had the most sickening feeling, I should stay close to home. I didn't WANT to go to the "BIG hospital". I wanted a CT scan-they don't have one for kids, with the little papoose board, to snuggle them in. They don't know I'm not a hysterical mother, and I actually know what I'm talking about. They won't have "KID STUFF" readily available. These are the things that have been going through my mind for the last hour. But it was 11:00 at night. PCMC is FAR away at 11:00 at night, even further in the middle of the night, when we are done. And the BIG hospital, I can see from my driveway. I can read the sign on top of it. So I followed my gut, turned around, and drove 3 minutes to the BIG hospital.

He's still a little whimpery, but better. They ask me what's going on, and I say, "It's either a sinus infection, or his shunt is failing." *rolling eyes* They got us right back, we never even sat in the waiting room. Luckily, there was noone there. Of course he charmed the pants off everyone in triage. :) He was told at least 3 times last night, you are the BEST patient I've had ALL DAY!! heehee

Fortunatly, they realized RIGHT away, ;) I knew what I was talking about, and did everything I asked them to do. The Dr even said, "What do you want us to do?" YIPPEE!!!! The imaging guy, was BLOWN away at how good Jack was. Duh...They all were really. Oh how I love those moments. What I really love is the way people melt when Jack tells them "thank you" in sign. Seriously, the cutest thing you ever saw.

The Ct scan was of course in a HUGE machine! Nothing to snuggle my little bug, but he did GREAT! Such a trooper! Just laid there and smiled. The tech was running around trying to figure out how to get the best pictures. Cuz ya know, it was an adult machine. But we got it all figured out.

So...shunt it fine, YA! But, as the radiologist, and Dr said, "He has an impressive Sinus infection." Now I'm not sure, if they don't see many kids with clefts, or kids at all for that matter, but in any case, every sinus passage he has, is filled with crap.

One other cool thing, the guy who checked us in, came back, and said, "So now I know what a VP shunt is." Apparently he didn't know, and had googled it. Then we let him feel is on his head, and since he got his hair cut, you can see the tubing. This guy thought it was the coolest thing. The guy works in the ER of the largest hospital in Utah. Crazy.

So I'm REALLY glad we went across the street for a sinus infection. Besides, I figured, if it WAS his shunt, maybe we could have gotten a ride, to PCMC. Ambulance rides are cheaper then gas right???

Contest

2008-09-08T09:54:00.003-06:00

Can you guess where Jack is??

Sorry, no prizes...just the knowledge you are the most observent!

Em's first day!!

2008-09-04T17:15:00.007-06:00

Emma has been SO excited, and today, the first day of kindergarten FINALLY arrived!! We got up leisurely, and took a shower, had breakfast, AND lunch, and then realized, it was still an hour before we needed to leave. Jack was FREAKING out, cuz we were all ready, and he just wanted to leave. So we got there a bit early, I did fake them out long enough to hold them off for about a half hour or so... but...there are a few more pictures, cuz we were just hanging out for so long!

The Backpack!!

Picking her teacher a flower!
Peeking in someone elses window!

Following the panther paws to the kindergarten doors!

Isn't she beautiful?

Open, open, open...

How cute it that!??!
Getting ready to go in!!
After they went in, we all-the moms-just stood there not nowing what to do! It was kind of funny. When I went to pick her up, she was in line with her class, and her teacher said, "There's your Mom Emma!" I threw my arms out to catch her as she ran over to me. She started to run and then stopped. "I have to stay with my class!" So cute! I did tear her away finally!! :)

And Jack's class had friends today!! YAY!! He did GREAT! When we first got there, he was holding on to me pretty tight, but then decided, he was gonna have fun! He kept giving me kisses...SO cute!!

And no, I did not leave. Sat there, and waited for him to come out. :) Ok, I DID run across the street, and get some fries, but came RIGHT back!

Jack likes Bee's?

2008-09-04T09:38:00.005-06:00

Jack handed me a book today, all excited! He kept doing the sign for "bee". I said, "Is there a bee in this book?" He said, "Ya!", while making his little bee, fly around, and around! I looked at the book and saw who was on the cover...

Emma taught him that. How cute are they!?!

Random questions in my head.

2008-09-03T15:08:00.003-06:00

Warning...RANDOM...

1) When is someone going to clean my house?
2) Is Jack going to let Emma go to school alone tomorrow?
3) Why do we lose touch with good friends?
4) Will I will feel better in time for work?
5) Will I remember the songs for the next concert?
6) What is that smell?
7) Why does every electronic devise I own break?
8) Why do people lie?
9) Why do babies die?
10) Why are the Zooperstars still on A merica's Got Talent?
11) Why is Stella still on Project Run way? seriously...
12) Why can I not find clothes that fit?
13) Why is it taking so long for American Idol to come back?
14) Why does EVERYTHING cost SO MUCH freakin money?
15) What is with all the hurricanes???
16) What will they do when they run out of names for them?
17) Why do my kids eat so much food?
18) Why can I not find a phone that works?
19) Why do people think mullets are cool?
20) Where are all my silverwear and cups?
21) Why can't people do what I tell them to do?
22) Who the hell invented World of Warcraft, and was is he not dead yet?
23) Why can't I just do EVERYTHING I want to do?
24) Why did people not like "Beaches" the movie?
25) Why is politics so maddening?
26) Why is carmex addictive, yet the FDA says it's fine?
27) Why will Jack not say words?
28) Why can I not find a single pair of clean socks?
29) Why do I have to pay someone to drive my car?
30) How am I going to get Wicked tickets?
31) Why does orange juice taste so weird in a small bottle?
32) Why does a trumpet cost over $1000...ONE trumpet???
33) Why do school pictures cost so much?!?
34) Why does sneezing take so much effort, and comes in multiples?

I'm getting annoyed now, can you tell by the multiple punctuation? I'll stop for now. If you have any answers, I'd LOVE to hear them! :)

Jack's First Day!!

2008-09-02T16:05:00.006-06:00

Well I have to say, it wasn't as bad I I thought it was going to be. Emma on the other hand, figured out when we got there- she and I were NOT staying. Ya she was not a BIT happy. I think she was torn between- "She can't play", and "We're LEAVING him here??" It's slightly humorous, if you think about it!

One weird thing, he was the only one there. *rolling eyes* Apparently, they all forgot to come back after the holiday weekend. *grin* But I think it was good for him to go his first day without the upperclassman! ;) The other kids have been in the class for a while. It was just him and the teachers! He had a GREAT time! AND...I got to take pictures without worrying about putting other kids on my blog! :)

Enjoy!

First we have video, of a little interview we had, before we left!

Now for pictures!

Of course he feel asleep on the ten minute drive there!

The classic "at school" picture.

He looks so big sitting in the chair!

Looking in, waiting for the door to open!

Emma wants to "check" on him!

These next few were taken through the one way mirror.

I had to distract EMMA, by walking across the street for ice cream!

Anxiously waiting for him to be done!

His FIRST art project at school!! He is SO proud!

My boy is growing up! I can hardley believe it! I was also told today, that his transition meeting for real preschool, will be in NOVEMBER!!! Seriously, I thought I had till at least February! I hope Thursday goes as smoothly as today!!

Provoked by Current Events

2008-08-29T12:59:00.003-06:00

If you frequent my blog, you know, I don't speak out a lot about politics, or current events, unless I'm "provoked". Well friends, I've been provoked.

There's been a lot of talk in the "news" lately, about people with special needs. I've been wanting to write a post about it for awhile.

The first thing that came up, was the movie "Tropic Thunder". I haven't seen it, and probably won't, not after so many people have asked me not to. Apparently, they use the word "retard" repeatedly, and in a demeaning way. When it first came out, there were many protests. I had many friends, "out there" telling people not to watch it. "Send a message it's NOT funny!" Then I was emailed this article. It is so beautiful, and so well said. And if you have time, read some of the comments. THey are VERY interesting.

We used that word as a kid...ALL the time. Never meaning to hurt people. But it DOES hurt people. Some say "lighten up, it's not a bad word!" Well, it is when you are trying to make someone feel bad! And regardless if you are TRYING or not, we need to be respectful of someone elses feelings. I hope, like Mrs "Arnold" said, it will at least make people more aware.

Then my sister told me today, that McCain picked his running mate, and that SHE, has a baby with Downs Syndrome. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, still not sure. On one hand, I think she should be at home with her baby, on the other hand, I think this could be a good thing, for the disability world. On the other hand, her baby, is just a baby. What does she know about having a child with a disabilty. What does she know about the daily struggle most of us have? Tell me she goes to all his Dr appointments, and does all his therapy. Somehow, I don't think so. Now, I'm not knocking her, and I will leave my mind open to her, that's just a few thoughts I have right now.

I wanted to find out more about her, and as I was scouring the internet, I came across this video. You can see the full text here.

I've never really listen to Glenn Beck, but I really appreciate his comments, as well as hers.

I just hope that these two "stories" will inspire people to think twice before they use the "r" word, and that maybe, a parent of a child with a disability in the limelight, will invoke some change there as well.

What do you all think? Let's have a conversation!

Blue Emergency Cards: M to F

2008-08-29T07:47:00.002-06:00

You know those emergency cards we fill out every year at school? Ours are blue, always have been. I always fill mine out the first day, and send it back the next. Anxiety will do that to ya! ;) I figured out yesterday, I have filled out a blue emergency card 15 times, in the last 9 years. 9 for Nick, 6 for Parker.

I remember when Parker went to school, getting TWO Back to School Packets, and having to spend the afternoon of the first day, filling out and signing. I knew it was coming, 3 packets, and fortunately, it was at 3 different times. Nick's was during the summer. Parker's on Monday, nnd Emma's was yesterday.

Again, I knew it was coming. But when I sat in Emma new class, while she was being "tested", and started filling out her card, I was overcome.

Last Name: Simmons First Name: the tears started to come. EMMA! I was writing Emma's name on a blue emergency card! Holy Crap! Student Number: oh great...another number to memorize. And then there's the little box called... Sex: F! F for female! 15 times I wrote M! Again I was overcome, to be writing F!!!!!

I know, I'm a dork. I have always thought how funny, they need a box called Sex. Because people name their kids weird things. James as a girl, Leslie as a boy. Goodness. They are the reasons, we have a box called SEX, on our emergency cards! haha But I digress...

So Emma is ready for school! Her teacher is SO cute, and sweet, and excited! It's her first year in public school! We'll have to be extra nice to her! ;) And of course she was SO impressed with Emma's intelligence, and fell in love with her! :) And Emma even came home, and drew her teacher a picture of herself, playing outside! Mrs K, I'll call her, asked Emma what she likes to do. I'm always afraid of this question! "I only like to watch Nickelodeon!" ugh Last week at dance, the dance teacher asked them, " Tell me one thing you did this summer!" Of course Emma said, "Played at my friends house!" She couldn't tell her, she went on a plane to the Atlantic ocean and watched the sunrise!" *rolling eyes*

So she asks Em what she likes to do, "Do you like to play outside, ride your bike, what?" Em said, "Play outside." Her teacher then said, "I do too!!!" So the picture, is of her teacher playing outside! So cute!

Now I should explain. I know how emotional it was when Nick went to Kindergarten. I also know how HAPPY I was when Parker went! But Emma is different somehow. See, when Nick started first grade, I started doing playground/hall monitor at lunch. I did it for 3+ years, including my pregnancy with Emma. I walked those halls carrying her in my belly. I remember the last time I walked down the 3rd and 4th grade hall, leaving to go to a Dr appointment. At that appointment, they told me she had to come out, and she was born the next morning.

About 2 weeks-ish later we, Em, Parker and I, went to visit, to show off Emma. And about 6 weeks after that, returned with Emma in a stroller, to roam the halls. She went from belly, to stroller, to walking around, in those halls. She has taken candy from the office, and roamed where she pleased. We were worried about Parker too, cuz he had been a "worker" at the school for 2 years before he started too. But he did fine. Last night, after back to school night, she wanted candy out of the office-you know, tootsie roles, or laffy taffy. It was hard to swallow, if you will, that she's a student now, and can't have candy whenever she wants! She cried and cried! So, her going to school is emotional for me, and shocking to most of the teachers!

Emma has a blue emergency card, and she is DEFINITELY FEMALE!!!

First Day of School 08-09

2008-08-26T09:15:00.004-06:00

Well the first day went FABULOUS! Nick is excited about a new year. He really likes most of his teachers, and is on track to have a great year! We had fun at back to school night last week, meeting all his teachers, and "going" to his classes. It's good for my brain, to be able to picture him at school.

Parker LOVES his new teacher. Of course I embarressed him in the morning. Seriously, would I be a good mom if I didn't just a little?!? ;) I still had not met his teacher yet. This is a weird thing for me. I have known all their teachers before. So I headed back at lunch time, to meet her. She was excited to meet me, and I was quick to tell her, the row he was sitting on...WHO was in his row...not the best idea! She agreed, and it had only been a few hours! :) She also had written their names on their desks, with cool paint pens. and Parker had wiped off P, E and R, so his name is now "ARK". *rolling eyes* She said she was gonna call him that the rest of the day! I like this lady!! :) And here's something weird...He has a Nick, AND Jack in his class...now all we need is an Emma! Funny huh...

Here are a few pictures from the morning...they really say it all...

Yes, Emma was still in bed, during the photo shoot. And the fact that Jack HAD to be in them too...so funny. Oh for the days, when they LOVED having their picture taken with their friends on the first day! :( Silly kids... They'll appreciate me when they're old!

Gramma's Surprise!!

2008-08-24T18:11:00.003-06:00

FINALLY...I got it uploaded!

If you remember from THIS POST, my sister and I surprised my mom when my sister came into town for the first time in 2 years. It was SO hard to keep a secret! I am the worst, at keeping secrets! Luckily, it was only for a few days! I LOVE surprising my Mom...she's so easy! :) Once when I was living out west, I planned a trip home, but came home early, had a friend pick me up at the airport, and just walked in the house, like I still lived there! It was awesome!

So here is the video of surprising my Mom with my sister, and the kids!

Enjoy...we did!

Jack's Eye appointment

2008-08-24T17:53:00.003-06:00

I know, this is the first chance I've had to sit down, and type! sheesh...

Anyway...

We went to see a pedriatric opthmologist. I debated back and forth between switching to a neuro-opthomalogist, but in the end, decided the "regular" optho, could get him in to the neuro faster than I could if need be.

Well guess what...his eyes are GREAT!! He didn't see anything, to need to see the neuro! Crazy isn't it? He said his optic nerves looked normal. "NORMAL??" Wow...

As far as the wandering/lazy eye, he agreed, but they are both a little weak, which is good! So one doesn't overcompansate! YAY!

The depth perception issue, the Dr said there was no concrete way to tell at his age, and nothing they can really do for it anyway.

Now for the kicker. The Dr says, "He has a moderate astigmatism, does it run in your family?" We both laugh. Dad, has a significant one, and I have a small one!" The funny part is... none of the other kids have it, that we know of, and Jack's is evidant, at 2 and a half. This poor kid can't catch a break! Well not really, but you know what I mean!

The Dr said he'd need glasses at a young age, but for now, his vision was fine, for what is on his plate! We have to go back in a year, unless of course his eyeballs fall out. haha...You know me...

So I think it's funny, the two things that run in the family, astigmatism, and cleft chin, Jack is the only one of our kids to get it. Well those and everything else! Oh Jack...you are just special!! :)

Nick's induction...

2008-08-20T11:32:00.005-06:00

...into teenage-hood.

Woke up to this, this morning...

Mostly I'm mad that that much toilet paper was wasted... but have to admit, they did a GREAT job!!

Shunt or something else?

2008-08-19T14:34:00.004-06:00

One more thing. We all know, I'm freaking out, as the one yr anniversary of Jack's shunt approaches. It's this Thursday. Well Jack's not making it any easier.

Sunday, after I had been at work Sat from 2 - 10, and he was asleep when I got home, he threw up. Then Dad tells me, he threw up, around 6 am. He threw up 2 more times. He was pale, but acting fine.

Today, he woke up around 6 am, got up, and came running back to me crying, and throwing up...again. When I got up to help him, I realized he'd thrown up on the kitchen floor- yes, I stepped in it. He cried and cried for almost an hour, until he fell asleep again. The whole time, grabbing his forhead, and telling me it hurt. He kept rubbing his face in my shirt, and couldn't get comfortable. I kept thinking maybe there was throw up in his nose, or sinuses...or maybe it's his shunt.

*sigh*

He soon went back to bed, but wouldn't let me leave. He laid down for about a half hour, then woke up, and smiled at me. He was fine for a few hours, then fell asleep early for his nap, which he has been getting rid of anyway.

So...I'm back to worried. HA...back to it...always man...just hate it when he gives me reasons.

Jack + School = Mom freaking out

2008-08-19T13:39:00.002-06:00

K, So Jack's preschool is called Play and Learn. It's through Early Intervention. It's only two days a week, for an hour and a half. I'm nervous and excited about it. I mean, I feel like he's so little/young. And he goes without me. At least he'll think he's without me. I'll be behind the two way glass watching him. But maybe that will make it worse! I don't know. Standing behind glass watching him not play with anyone, or cry, cuz he wants me to stay with him. Or seeing that I know what he wants, but the teacher isn't getting it. ugh He has signs, but his own modified version. WE know what he is saying. Even the words he does have, again, are modified versions. Like "train" is "ain", but so is "rain".

And he is so different. He looks different, he doesn't talk- really. I don't know. I know I'm probably over analyzing it. I guess what I am frustrated with this week is, he is not in a category. He doesn't have down syndrome, or autism. We don't know what kind of learning disabilities he'll have, if any. Not that kids with those "labels" come with manuals, but they come with something! Ya know? I know he has hydrocephalus, but that is a HUGE unknown. Kids have such varying degrees of it. Well I guess degrees of "brain damage". Seriously, there are people who you'd never know, had hydro. Will Jack be like that? There are people who go their whole lives, not knowing their Corpus Collasum is missing, or displaced. Will Jack ever show signs of it?

And maybe Jack is the norm, for this kind of class. And by that I mean, all the kids in his class, have unknowns. I mean really, they are all under 3. How much can you really tell about how a 2 yr old is gonna learn?

And ya know...I'm just venting. I know, that it's only for a hour and a half. I know, that him being around kids his own age, may bring him out more, and he might start talking more. But... I will say, he HAS been taking more, and it is obvious, the more he talks, the more speech therapy I see he needs. But...will he "talk" for the therapist? I doubt it. I try to work on stuff, like blowing through his mouth, so he gets used to air coming out there, instead of his nose. But the more sounds he makes/attempts, the worse it sounds.

I've also thought, maybe repairing his hard palate early, would help. But the sh, and s sounds seem to be going back to far, and over his soft palate. Who knows.

Well, I'll keep you posted on how it all goes. I just need to not think about it too much. I might lose my mind!

WHEW!

2008-08-19T13:28:00.004-06:00

Well hello there! I have a spare moment...ok not really, but boys are out spending Nick's Bday money, Jack's asleep, and Emma is "resting" watching her shows.

So... last sunday, my Sister came to town! It had been two years since we had been together! About a week before, she mentioned they were thinking of making the 9 hour car drive. We decided it might be fun to surpirise my Mom. Um ya...it was! it was SO hard to keep the secret! I am not very good at it. I shop at the last minute for gifts too. Just can't hold it in!!

Anyway, we got it all on video, and of course I made a little movie of it, but the @($*% thing won't upload. I'm not sure what the problem is, but as soon as I get it fixed, I'll share! But there were LOTS of tears, and laughter. Me, my Mom and Suzi, crying, and Parker laughing, cuz he thought it was funny!

We had SO MUCH fun, just hanging out. Mealtimes were a joke! 9 kids, and 5 adults. If you've been to my house...um ya. My oldest boys, had to stand around the table, while the adults sat in the living room! It was funny. But we did good considering the severe lack of space! And sleeping...HAHA...

I have been thinking for a while, to switch rooms with Emma. Our room is bigger, and then I figured she and Jack could share. So the week before Suzi came, I attempted to move...by myself. I got the beds moved. *rolling eyes* Parker was an AWESOME helper. Nick was at scout camp. So Suzi and her dh and the baby, had my old, Emma's new room. And the rest of them slept on the floor in sleeping bags, and blanket's on the floor. It was sad to see them go, but SO MUCH QUIETER!!! ;)

Drama camp was fun! Parker was a hit as per usual. His teacher told me like 3 times, how adorable he was! *proud grin* Emma had a blast, and there was a few old friends in the class too...which meant I had someone to talk to as well!

Soccer starts up this thursday. Emma has her pink shin guards. I crack myself up! I have created a monster don't ya know!

The boys start school on Monday! YIPEE!!!!!! Nick is taking Guitar this year! He is SO excited!! We decided to get him one for his bday! And of course, Dad had to get him an Amp too. *rolling eyes* So it's an Acoustic, that plugs into an amp. Jack thinks it's cool, and LOUD!!

Parker just found out his teacher today, and of course the kids in his class. He was a little disappointed, some of his friends weren't in it, but soon realized it will be great to make new ones. Oh, and he's on the hunt for a new crush too! oye

Emma starts on Sept 4th. Here in Utah, all kindergarteners have to be assessed...before they start school. Sounds evil doesn't it! Anyway, her testing and meeting her teacher, are on the 28th. She is SO excited! Her teacher is new this year. So we will BOTH be meeting her!

And lastly, Jack is starting a little preschool. But I think I'll save that for another post. I have a LOT to say about this here subject.

So that's the update. AS soon as school starts, I promise not to be gone so much! ;) Cuz well, the computer hogs will be gone all day! YAY!!!

Been around...playin'

2008-08-16T10:44:00.004-06:00

Hey friends!

Sorry, it's been busy, then quiet, then busy.

Don't have time to tell all of our adventures, but there are new pictures on Flickr to give you a hint. :)

Coming up... in chronological order

Nick turns 13
Jack has his eye appointment
Soccer starts
Boys start school
Emma has her"assessment", for kindergarten
JACK...starts school. (must blog on this later)
Emma starts school
Parker turns 11

In the meantime, I need to...

have party for Nick (one friend + one movie + BOGO coupon for Cold Stone = 13 yr old bday party! )
try not to freak out about eye exam
get his scans from PCMC to bring to eye appointment CT and MRI's
get pink shin guards :)
get new sneakers for P and Em
school clothes at least for first day...I'm cheap. :)
freak about about Jack going to "school"
have party for Parker (he wants to have a scavenger hunt at the mall...hmmm...smell the wheels turning?)

I'll elaborate more later... must start in on my list!

This explains a lot...

2008-08-09T08:45:00.002-06:00

I am Ariel!

Headstrong and fiesty. You have a mind of your own that's full of romantic dreams about the world around you. Exploring exotic places is your ultimate dream, and although you can be a little naive you'll realize that there is something to be gained from your family's wisdom.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

When Little Mermaid came out, I was working at Disneyland. LOVED IT!! I had such a strange connection to it! Still do... funny...now I see why! :)

Leave me a comment on whisch one YOU are!

It's just funny...

2008-08-08T13:35:00.002-06:00

To all my friends:

1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off.
9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants,everyone can see it,but only you can feel the true warmth.

Share this to 10 of your closest friends,Then get depressed because you can only thinkof 4.

AND...

To all my friends with husbands:

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2..6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'I Thought You Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Passive Aggressive Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly beta interface with circular reference loop capability. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good luck,
Tech Support

:)

i...

2008-08-06T09:27:00.005-06:00

i am: a mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend (sounds like an obituary*grin*)

i think: I need school to start

i know: the potential of my kids.

i want: my house to be clean

i have: funny kids.

i wish: I could snap my fingers-blink my eyes, and I'd be the person I picture in my head.

i hate: people who think they know everything...Ok..more than me... ;)

i miss: Nick (scout camp)

i fear: Nick will wander off, and we'll be on the news.

i feel: TIRED!!!

i hear: birds chirping, "signing time", Jack's excited squeal, Emma bossing him around, and silence, cuz the boys aren't home! :)

i smell: Fresh air!

i crave: yummy food

i search: For long lost friends

i wonder: What time the merry maid fairies are coming.

i regret: Not working longer at Disneyland, and missing the opportunity to be in the cast choir.

i love: The beautiful things in nature, I see everyday. The mountains, the sunset, flowers and trees, and the moon rising when it's still daylight.

i care: about helping others, through similar trials as Jack's

i always: TRY to see the silver lining, the bright side, to be an eternal optimist.

i am not: always succesful.

i believe: in eternal families, and free agency.

i dance: and I pull a muscle! :)

i sing: ...and I feel better-everytime.

i don’t always: think about things long enough, before I say them...oops

i fight: when you dont listen to me.

i write: from my heart.

i lose: LOST...my mind. Let me know if you find it, I could really use it.

i win: because my kids are the cutest!

i never: stop worring about Jack, or the rest of them for the matter...

i listen: to my boobs.

i can usually be found: with a child at the end of my arm or on my lap.

i am scared: of the other shoe dropping.

i need: more money.

i am happy about: where and when I work. It's perfect.

I tag: Anybody who reads this and hasn't posted lately

And so it starts...

2008-08-03T21:42:00.002-06:00

Well it's been pretty quiet around here. Just workin, and hangin with the kids. Last friday however, I set out on a different course! :)

I signed up Emma and Parker for a little drama camp at the park. Parker's is from 9-11 am for the next two weeks. Emma's starts next week but it's only an hour everyday. But it should be fun. The boys have been to it before. The teacher does a great job!

Then while at the Rec office, I remembered about soccer. This is Emma's first yr she can play Murray Rec. Parker played competion the school yr after Jack was born. He didn't love it,took a yr off, and decided rec was more his speed! We found out that he knows all the kids on his team, and it's even coed! So it should be fun! That starts the 14th. Well their first game is the 14th. Parker's games are a few blocks away, and Emma's are at our school- within walking distance. So that will help make it easier.

So we'll have soccer 3 times a week, for the next 6 weeks. And school starts on the 25th for the boys, and the 4th for Em. I can't believe it's almost school. I start to have mini panic attacks when I think Em is going to kindergarten! YIKES! But for know, I'm have medium size panic attacks...

...Cuz Nick goes to scout camp in the morning. I have mixed feelings about it. He is SO excited!! But of course I'm nervous. He'll be gone for a week! They don't come back until Sat! He's never been gone that long before. He's gonna miss ME- don't tell him I told you! :) Jack isn't gonna know what to do! We'll all survive I suppose. We'll have more food for sure!

Emma also starts Dance on the 25th. OYE! We'll see how it all goes. Ya just kind of get thrown back into things don't ya? One day, your layin by the pool, and the next...goodness...

So say a prayer for me, that I won't have a break down tomorrow! And for the scouts to all be safe, and not stupid...ER than normal! I have told him 100 times...DO NOT WANDER OFF BY YOURSELF!!!

It'll be fine, it'll be fine, it'll be fine...........................

Here's something to sing about!!

2008-08-01T10:14:00.000-06:00

Sorry...

2008-08-01T00:15:00.003-06:00

I can't believe it's been over a week since I posted anything. WACKY I tell you... So...why...

I took the kids, and flew to Australia, to live in the outback.

Oh sorry, that was a dream I had last night. :)

I'm just tired, and then tired. And then when I can sneak computor time from the HOGS I live with, I can't think what to say. SO MUCH to tell you, so many things running around in my overcrowded brain, must get them out I tell you!!!

But...

I just took my ambi en, and it's kicked in. SOOOOOOO I'll leave you for now. I did add those pictures of our mini vacay to flickr. So check them out if you feel so desired. And we'll chat soon!

Oh, and I have been quite addicted to Facebook lately. If you are to...be my friend. I have a "bet" with Nick I can get 100 friends by the weekend. HAHA... I'm at 79. BUT...you have to actually be my friend. We have to have "spoken" at one time or another. And by spoken, I mean, you read my blog, I read yours!! ;) Email me, I'll tell you how to find me!

All is well...ish..Sorry if I worried any one!

Toto, I don't think we're in Vegas

2008-07-21T18:50:00.004-06:00

Ya so, we're NOT in Vegas. I had high hopes of being able to go, but when it came down to feeding everyone for 5 days, and GAS... it was a no! And those are only two reasons...I won't bore you with the two pages I put together last week! :)

I did decided though, since we were already planning to be gone yesterday, we would stick around town, and stay in a hotel. I picked Crystalinn, cuz they have free hot breakfast, and there was one close to what we wanted to do today. I had coupons for Holly-wood Connection(an indoor amuzment park for cheap people) to get all of us in free. The kids had a BLAST, and as always LOVE going to a hotel. DH, had to work, since he was in town, so just the kids and I went. It was SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper than driving to Vegas, and closer(15 minutes), and they had a ball. Isn't that what counts!? Of course we didn't get to go to the conference, but we still spent time together.

We took TONS o pictures, but I need to get on a different computor, so it will have to be tomorrow. I just didn't want to world to think we were in Vegas, when we are sitting on our butts, in Utah! :)

Get excited for pictures.......... :)

Tooth Fairy RULES!!

2008-07-17T12:26:00.007-06:00

Right before we went to MB, Emma had an infected molar, so they pull it. She was so nervous, but did really well! When they were done, she kept saying..."Mom! That didn't hurt!!" So that night she wrote the tooth fairy a note, and stuck it, and her tooth under her pillow!

She was so excited in the morning! Not only had the tooth fairy left her money, but she also wrote Em a note, and told her how proud of her she was for being so brave!

Well last night, Nick had a molar fall out. Emma was SO excited for him!! Moments later, she came running in to me, SOBBING!!! "Nick said the tooth fairy's not real!"

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

So I told her that Nick may not believe, but that doesn't mean she can't! So she decided to write the tooth fairy another note,

telling her, that Nick had lost a tooth, and that she could have it. Apparently, ~~daddy~~(it was PARKER!!)told her, that TF collects all the teeth and has built a castle with them!

Well...this morning, there was a dollar and a note from the tooth fairy!!

Nick was not a bit happy, and Emma has already spent her dollar!! Serves him right I say!!

:)

Doctors...again, Update~

2008-07-16T11:59:00.005-06:00

Sorry, I couldn't get on here all day yesterday. So now for the update:

We got there at 12:30. We went down to Medical imaging, and they didn't have an order, so we had to go back to NS, to get the order. Which was fine, and it gave me the chance to tell Craniofacial, I was there, but would most likely be late for my 1:00 appointment.

So we headed back to Medical imaging, and got right back for the shunt series, which is just an Xray. Jack did great! A little leary, but did what the girl asked him to do. Then he got to choose stickers! She gave a choice of two, and then said, "Oh wait! We have Wall-E stickers too!" He was SO excited!! We haven't seen it yet, but he sure loves the commercials! He says..."WALLEEEEEE!!!", every time they come on, and squeals in delight. He was so proud of his stickers.

Then we had to wait for CT. As we were waiting, there was a little 4 yr old boy with his parents, grandma, and child life. They were talking about the CT, and trying VERY hard, to convince him, it was going to be fine! I talked to the Grandma, and she told me, he was having a CT scan, prior to brain surgery THAT day. They had found a tumor on his pituitary gland, 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, they were totally freaking out. I told her all about Jack, and how our NS's were the BEST!!

Well, he went back to have the CT, and came back in a few minutes, with no CT done. He was so scared. So when Jack and I went back, I told the tech that Jack has always been fine, and if this little boy wanted to watch Jack get his, that would be fine. So once we knew Jack wasn't going to freak out, they got the little boy, and he came to watch from the doorway! Jack was SO cute, and we were just blowing bubbles, and being silly. They have to hold so still, so the kids are wrapped in a blanket papoose style, with their hands by their waist. This little boy, could see Jack's left hand, so I told Jack to wave at his new friend. And HE DID!!! It was SO CUTE, his little fingers waving!! And the little boy waved back!! OH MY GOSH...it was so cute! Then Jack was all done and we had to leave, so I don't know what happened, but I hope, that Jack made a difference for that little boy, and his family!

Then we headed back for cleft clinic. It's held in the same clinic as Neurology, Neurosurgery, Cardiology, Ears Nose and Throat, Genetics, and a couple other specialists. It's very interesting. You sit there, and wait to be called back to get weighed, and such. Then you go back and wait for the Dr's to be ready for you! The interesting part, is looking around that GIANT waiting room, and wondering why others are there. I see older kids with clefts, and I want to run up and hug them. But I think that would scare them. I see kids that I KNOW what their Diagnosis is. I see new parents scared to death, that they are sitting in a specialists waiting room, with their newborn child. It's all a little overwhelming, to say the least. I try to talk with people, but we are constantly interrupted, by the Dr's! They are SO rude! ;)

So we go back for our first Dr., the Orthodontist. He hasn't seen Jack since January-ish. For some reason he pulled up reports on the computer, and the shunt series is right there. All I saw, was "shunt is stable, and functioning". So I asked him to pull up the CT. "Ventricles are 5m, no change from last scan." As I'm reading it from across the room, I see something that hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Stable, yet absent, or severely displaced corpus callosum."

WHAT!?!??! No, no, that was when his ventricles were full of fluid. Seriously, it HAS to be better now that everything is stable! Um no.

The NS nurse, told me NOT to talk to a resident about that, and to wait until we could talk to his Dr. Still waiting on that of course. But here's what I found. There's some great info on there. And here's a funny. I was just reading this info to DH, and 2 minutes after I finished, reading it, he says, "Jack! Don't put Parker's underwear on your HEAD!! That's YUCKY!!!" We started laughing, when I realized what I had just read... Challenges with social interactions due to difficulty imagining potential consequences of behavior. Seriously, how funny is that!??! We had a good laugh.

ANYWAY... the Ortho, said his under bite, seems to be getting worse-oh joy-but his prosthesis looks great! And the best news, Jack was SO cooperative! Opened his mouth when prompted and everything! He was like this with everyone! And when we left, he would wave, and do the sign for thank you! Seriously cute.

We talked to the speech therapist, who happens to have a daughter who is Emma age. They were in the same dance class last yr, and yes we knew that before we met on Monday! So she felt good about what we were doing, and what HE is doing. She, and all of them for that matter, were very impressed with the fact he can match my pitch singing! He rocks!!

Then we got to Plastics. ugh... sometimes, I should just keep my mouth shut. I know, he's a plastic surgeon, it's his job to find all the things wrong. But really now. And truth be told, I was the one pointing things out. One kind of cool thing, I was asking him about how the whites of Jack's eyes show under his pupils. He said it is caused by Jack's maxillary hypoplasia. It even has a name. Not that I can remember it, or even find it, but still, he named it. It's cool, cuz I have been saying it for a long time, and have people always say, hmmm...maybe it's your imagination. Whatever...see, I was right!

I also showed him Jack's trunk, and how is armpit is all funky. He asked if we had seen genetics. I told him the only syndrome he put Jack in, was Poland Syndrome. He said he didn't think it was Poland Syndrome. And we should really see Genetics again. Good grief. So the jury is still out on PS. But he also said, he wouldn't touch his arm or hand, he would refer us to a hand specialist. I told him we saw "Hutch" up at Shriners, and he said, "Oh, that's how I would have referred you too!!" It's so nice to be connected, with all the right people! :) I did call today, to schedule a followup, with Genetics, and their first appointment.... JANUARY 27TH!!!!! Good grief....but...we have connections, so I'm looking into moving it up!

Then we saw ENT, and he was happy with how he was doing. He did want a repeat hearing test, which went fine, and he passed, enough said.

So we are on track for hard palate repair, next summer, and he'll probably start an over night retainer, to help bring out his midface. THAT should be interesting. We didn't leave the hospital, until about 5:00. LONG day! But Jack was SO good, and happy, and genuinely happy to see everyone! And of course they loved him!

Now...while I have always enjoyed, "the diagnosis", I was quite rudely reminded, that Jack's not normal. And we all know how I hate that. See when we are hanging out at home, he's normal. Even when we went to Myrtle Beach, he was more "normal" than other kids there. But now to have two knew "Names" for why he's not normal, is just hard to take.

Then yesterday, I went into work for a little bit to help out, cuz someone quit, and DH was home. I lady came in to get some tickets, and she had her son with her. He had a big head, his arms were short, he walked kinda funny, his eyes were a little wide set, and I could tell he was developmentally delayed. He was so sweet, and excited to be coming to a show. When I was done getting her tickets, which she had gotten from a foundation through her sons syndrome, I took them in the theater, so he could see where they'd be sitting. She told me he had a syndrome of which I don't remember the name. Which caused his large head, short statue, being delayed. It was one I hadn't heard of...shocking I know! Anyway, we talked for a but, and I told her about Jack. And then they left. As I went back to work, I was overcome. I kept thinking, maybe Jack will be like that. All the things that make him cute and unique now, how are they gonna look on an 8 yr old, or a 15 yr old, or an adult. I just started to cry. The poor guys I was working with, didn't know what to do. He was so sweet, "You Ok??" I said, "Um no, but I have to be." I just quickly gained my composure, and moved on.

Now, I'm not saying that this little boy, who was 8, looked funny, or that everyone could see he looked funny. But I noticed, because he had some of the same characteristics as Jack. And this boy didn't have a cleft. Since then, I've talked to a couple of very wise people who told me not to worry a future I have no control over. I know, I know, but aren't I allowed a few moments here and there?!??!

I am feeling better today, and if you're still with me, thanks! Just have to work on today, and tomorrow, and not let the "NOT normalness" get to me...ya right. I'm trying though, and isn't that what counts!?!?!

I also have been thinking about the people I met in the last few days. In all instances, I should not have been where I was, to have met them. I know, I was sent there, at those times, so we could interact. I can't help but wonder if I had the same effect on them, as they did on me!